A Gun Nut Wish List
I haven't verified my suspicion with an office-wide survey, but I think I may be City Paper's resident gun nut. Though not of the same caliber as the folks in Angela Valdez's gun show entry, I remember watching my grandfather, still wearing his Episcopal clerical collar, clean a .38 revolver at my grandmother's kitchen table. With equal nostalgia, I remember the first time he took me squirrel hunting and out for target practice (in that order, strangely enough), as well as the day I received one of his rifles as a birthday gift.
I won't delve too deeply into gun culture other than to say that for many people, especially Southerners, gun ownership is seldom about paranoia or anti-statism. Owning a gun is more transcendental, and speaks to a tradition of self-sufficiency and independence from bureaucracy (exceptions: subsidized farmers). I won't bore City Desk readers with why DC's new gun law is a good thing, or why it'll be even better when it's set in stone. For a thoughtful discussion on gun laws, check out this month-long debate at Cato Unbound.
Now to the meat of this post: In joyous celebration of the restoration of my rights (and in anticipation of a conceal & carry law in the near future), this gun nut's wish list*:
1.) Ruger P95: In the words of a friend who can use a pistol to hit "a 2-inch target at 100 meters," the Ruger 9mm is "like a Ford or Chevrolet--take care of them and they run forever." It comes from the factory with a 10-round magazine, but can take a 15-round mag, should home defense require it. Why I want it: According to the Ruger website, the gun is "easily maintained and can be field-stripped into five major subassemblies for cleaning, without the need for special tools." It has the stopping power of a bigger pistol with less recoil. It comes in black, which makes it scary as shit. And It's compact, which means I can grasp it with my abnormally small hands.
2.) Remington 870 or Mossberg 500: Deciding between the 870 and th
e 500--both 12-gauge shotguns--comes down to choosing between the following mottos: "It always goes bang," or, "Guard dogs have to be fed, walked, groomed, trained. These you just oil." Both guns are meticulous works of violent art. Both guns have been around for a while. And both guns are available with a dizzying array of "tactical options." Why I want it: Remember when Marsellus Wallace blew off Zed's nuts in Pulp Fiction? Ever seen Dawn of the Dead? Heard about that time when some kid blew himself in half playing with his dad's shotgun? There's no dodging a five-foot spread of hot scattershot.
3.) S&W .38: The preferred handgun of cops and cool cats alike, the .38 special is the NY Yankees of firearms. While not quite as forgiving as a high-capacity semi-auto, the .38 will knock things down/blow things up/convince scumbags to steer clear of your pad. A speed loader will level the playing field. A 12-inch barrel will change your life. Why I want one: .38 + shoulder holster = B-A-L-L-S.
*Q: Mike, why three guns?
A: I adhere to the placement schematic designed by a wise ole' fiddle player named Buddy Bass: "One gun on the woman's side of the bed, one gun on the man's side of the bed, and a shotgun behind the bedroom door."
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2:47 pm
"For a thoughtful discussion on gun laws, check out this month-long debate at Cato Unbound."
I think you may be more than the City Paper’s resident "gun" nut, Riggs.
3:04 pm
Let me say what you won't: Libertarians are a little kooky.
If I send you some pictures of me making man-love to my new firearm, will you post them on The Sexist?
3:12 pm
Mike Riggs is also a haircut nut.
4:18 pm
"for many people, especially Southerners..."
"Owning a gun...speaks to a tradition of self-sufficiency and independence from bureaucracy"
= confederacy, klan militias, paranoia, succession, black helicopters, race war, sexism, racism, christian-extremism, pro-life, pro-death penalty, headupassism.
i'm quittin' you riggs, plain quittin' you.
5:01 pm
I would guess that you're the only self-professed gun nut who would put a Ruger P95 on a wish list over, say, a Glock 19.
As to the .38 Special (remember: hold on loosely, but don't let go), you might as well get a .357 for even more Manly Power (and you can shoot .38 rounds out of it, too)
5:17 pm
The Sexist officially does not condone fisting by firearm.
5:18 pm
also: yes I will.
5:59 pm
I don't dig riggs... anymore: Forgive my regional fellows for their ignorance, and please don't hold it against me. I'm as forward-thinking a former Floridian as ever you'll meet.
6:00 pm
joelogon: Choice 1 was about cost (Glock's ain't cheap). Choice 2 was about nostalgia (and I've fired a .357--it hurt my poor wittle wrists).
10:24 am
Say, those are swell little guns. I always wanted to own something of this sort.
10:34 am
The presence of a gun in the home triples the risk of homicide in the home. (New England Journal of Medicine, 1993)
The presence of a gun in the home increases the risk of suicide fivefold. (New England Journal of Medicine, 1992)
Half of gun-owning households don't lock up their guns, including 40 percent of households with kids under age 18. (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2007)
States with high household gun ownership have more suicides than states with low household gun ownership. The excess suicides are almost entirely due to firearms. (Journal of Trauma, 2007)
A gun in the home is more likely to be used in a suicide than to be used in self-defense. A gun in the home is 11 times more likely to be used in an attempted suicide than to be used to injure or kill in self-defense. (Journal of Trauma, 1998)
The presence of a gun in the home made it 6 times more likely that an abused woman would be murdered than other abused women. (National Institute of Justice Journal, 2003)
11:33 am
Yes, the presence of guns will complicate matters even further.
12:38 pm
Jim,
1.) Your first two points lack context, thus a gun nut like myself could take the first one to mean that my chances of killing an intruder are triple what they would be without a gun. I could take the second to mean that an intruder, upon discovering that I am armed to the teeth and more than willing to unload some hot lead into his ass, would be five times more likely to take his own life.
2.) I don't have any kids.
3.) I don't really know what to say to this, other than there are a number of convenient ways to take one's own life should one feel so compelled.
4.) Again, not sure what to say to this.
5.) My partner and I have a healthy and violence-free relationship, and we both love to go to the shooting range on the weekends.
12:46 pm
It certainly will, Ernest. Therefore, I happened to see the initial post as a display of pistol-minded nincompoopery commonly found in the provinces.
1:10 pm
The author is a pistol-minded fellow, undoubtedly. But we must admit the bugger extremely cultured. Observe “Anti-statism”, “transcendental”, “memetic”.
1:52 pm
Stop it, haters.
I didn't see "memetic". Ernest, are you unwell?