City Desk

Meat Vs. Hot Girls: The Eternal Struggle

Quick! Hot dogs! Not-dogs! Possibly real dogs! Right now at the Rayburn House Office Building!

Next week, the American Meat Institute will hold its annual Capitol Hill Hot Dog Lunch in celebration of National Hot Dog Month (declared, suspiciously, by the Hot Dog & Sausage Council). Today, not one to let a free dog go unpunished, PETA has set up its own grills—and do-gooder Playboy Playmates—to serve up some veggie dogs right next door.

Here's our annual run-down of the two events:


Dogs: Invite-only.

Not-Dogs: Open to the public.


Dogs: In a feat of phallic imagery, "The crowd is expected to consume more than 4,000 hot dogs, which if laid end to end, would be three times taller than the Washington Monument," promises an AMI press release.

Not-Dogs: "Several hundred—at least 600 [not-dogs]," guesstimates PETA campaigner Ashley Byrne.

Star Power:

Dogs: MLB golden oldies, including Hall of Famer Robin Roberts, four-time All-Star Bob Boone, and Al Bumbry, who, according to a press release, "primarily played the outfield, but was sometimes called to start as third-baseman or designated hitter."

Not-Dogs: "Lettuce ladies" Lauren Anderson and Cassandra Callahan, attractive women who will hang out wearing bikinis made out of lettuce. Total bummer: The lettuce isn't real. "PETA has dressed people in real lettuce before, but it tends to wilt in the heat," says Byrne. No word on the ladies' other assets. P.S., PETA: Whither the Broccoli Boys?

Stock Quote:

Dogs: "The Hot Dog Lunch is one of the most popular annual events on Capitol Hill, a testament to America's unending enthusiasm for the hot dog." —J. Patrick Boyle, American Meat Institute President and CEO.

Not-Dogs: "People are always thrilled, because the veggie dogs are absolutely delicious and everyone knows they're better." —Byrne

Photo courtesy LordKhan

CORRECTION, 7/16: Due to an error by reporter Amanda Hess, the date of the American Meat Institute's event was originally incorrect.

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  • Reid

    I agree, a less phallic image would be better. Something like:

    If all the hot dogs were stacked-up to form a tunnel it would be 1,000 times larger than a Georgia O'Keefe painting.

  • Amanda Hess


  • Janet Riley

    Did you actually consider going inside to see our Hot Dog Lunch? If you had, you would have found that it wasn't today...there were no dueling lunches. I guess the source of that info (PETA) wasn't accurate, shocking as it may seem.

  • Mark Athitakis

    Looks like the AMI can't "meat" the basic requirements for accurate info in a press release....

  • Taylor

    The date on that press release is Wednesday, July 18, 2007

  • Mark Athitakis

    And I can't *read* a press release. As you were...

  • J.

    Why not just delete this posting and save the embarrassment for another time...That hot dog looks damn good though!

  • sock puppet
  • Lucas S

    PETA's event sounds much cooler. Who would choose to eat nasty hot dogs(contain lips,anus and other meat industry rejects) when people could enjoy tofu dogs handed out by Playboy bunny Lauren Anderson and other Lettuce Ladies. Check out how sexy a vegetarian diet is;)

    p.s: meat causes impotence!

  • Carlson

    And tofu causes Alzheimer's Disease. At least I'll KNOW I'm impotent....