I Don’t Want Your Crummy Rental
Dear Landlord Dude:
I saw your ad in the Post and called you yesterday afternoon. The apartment you were offering sounded good enough: 1700 block of Corcoran, $1900, one-bedroom described either as "sunny" or "cozy" or "featuring hardwood floors."
I thought: I just can't swing that kind of rent. Not even sharing that kind of rent. No way. Not unless I want stomach aches and no fun for the rest of my life (or at least through the terms of a one-year lease). But screw it. You told me to meet your guy at 5 p.m.
When your guy called my cellphone at 4:30 p.m. to ask where I was, I explained the 5 p.m. meeting time. I was "sunny" on the phone. I told your guy I could change our meet-up time to 4:40 p.m. I showed you—or your guy—that I could be whimsical, flexible, and carefree. I showed that if say the A/C didn't work I could play along, adjust my schedule to fit your schedule. That's just the kind of person I am: "sunny."
But anyway. Thanks for wasting my time. Your ad said nothing about the rundown closet, the stove that looked like it had last given heat to a crack pellet, and the hardwood floors being just the right shade of beat up. Nor did your ad promote the view from the small living room: a Supercan.
I wouldn't normally care. But you kind of ruined my afternoon. We renters take your ads as truth. They swiftly become the start up points for little dreams. Not big dreams of flat-screen televisions and warm glasses of cocoa. But simpler stuff like being able to live reasonable and sort-of content. We think of all the good times we'd have with your hardwood floors and central AC. So when we show up to find our dreams replaced with the outlines of a slum, we can only be disappointed. Deeply disappointed.
I ended up leaving your rental after about 10 seconds inside. I didn't need to inspect the small closet to realize I ain't ready for a $1900 un-sunny junior one-bedroom with view of Supercan.
Walking away, I filled 17th Street with whispered curse words about fairness and the impossibility of living here. Talk about crushed dreams. Two years ago, an ambitious resident could find a two-bedroom dump for $1900.
Not any more. Now there are only over-priced one-bedroom dumps.
Sincerely,
Jason Cherkis
P.S. 17th Street NW hasn't changed in at least 10 years. It still sucks. Charging $1900 to live within walking distance of one of the worst Safeways in the city is almost criminal.
3:59 pm
I don't get it. You couldn't afford the rent, but went anyway?
4:08 pm
You'd better get used to disappointment, because life is full of it. If the 10 minutes and 10 seconds you wasted on this experience ruined your afternoon, I can only imagine the utter devastation to your psyche that would result if you got a parking ticket.
4:15 pm
jamie-
have you ever posted a comment on this blog that wasn't negative?
i'm sure cherkis really needs your nasty little pep talk about how life is full of disappointment in response to a funny rant about renting apartments in DC.
get over yourself.
4:17 pm
I just completed a grueling, five-week search for an apartment so I can TOTALLY identify with this post. I must have gone to see nearly a dozen apartments - all the time building them up in my mind as the one the one that will solve all of my housing problems and then being let down the instant I set foot in them.
What was worse than this were the apartments that were fantastic but also had 80 (no exaggeration) people applying for them. Even though the apartments were amazing, it was obvious there was no way I could compete with that many people.
Somehow, I got REALLY lucky and found a place that I really love. I just moved in yesterday and I'm really overjoyed with the place.
Jason: keep your head up, man. Just keep scouring Craigslist and make sure to act right away on any place you find that looks halfway decent. Don't forget: always go to the apartment viewing with check in hand just in case you want to make an offer right there. Finding a place in D.C. is super-competitive. But you can do it!
4:44 pm
"Cozy"=small
"Hardwood floors"=we're too cheap to put in carpet, so watch out for splinters
"Character"=the walls don't meet at 90-degree angles
I went to see an apartment when I was in grad school where the ceiling literally fell down on us. And then the landlord had the gall to wonder why we didn't want the apartment.
4:45 pm
You couldn't even share that rent? The CP does pay you, right?
10:19 am
@urban pioneer -- you should visit a doctor as soon as possible, because there is compelling evidence that you have a large pole lodged in your ass. This was a whiny, tongue-in-cheek post and it absolutely merited a snarky response. I think Jason can handle it, and I don't think he needs you to protect him from da big bad bully.
5:35 am
What a whining douche. If you left from work, you wasted very little time on seeing the place. If you look at the July version of this page, you will see a very nice 20' x 20' Adams Morgan efficiency in your price range. It must be possible to get an affordable place in the area in which you're looking, otherwise how could so many people live there?