Shadows Softball 2008: In Which It Finally Ends
Record: 0-12 (.000)
Last Saturday, as the City Paper Shadows neared the end of our final media league double-header, the sun shone unforgivingly upon this ragtag group of Staff Writers, Managing Editors, and Account Executives. We had just weathered a relatively tight game against the Washington Post (17-4[!]), and had nearly finished up an even tighter match-up against the Express (14[!]-3). Both teams had lucked out that day: According to media league softball lore, if you can spy a City Paper Shadow on the field, you will score many runs.
We were hot. We were tired. We were, well, really bad at softball. It was totally the point in The City Paper Shadows 2008: The Motion Picture where everything inexplicably improves, resulting in an against-all-odds victory involving 33 consecutive home runs, Shadows coach Will Mitchell being hoisted gloriously upon the team’s shoulders as the ump yells “The Shadows Take the Pennant!,” and hot babes.
Behold! In the final out of the final inning of the final game of what, if we’ve learned anything, will be our final season, Circulation Manager Sterling Smith arrived (Back row, 1st from R).
Some say He descended from the sky as a pegasus, His magestic wingspan reaching clear from first to third. Others say He emerged from the forest depths as unicorn, His gallop fast as swunt. Either way, he’d hit really bad traffic, which apparently had kept him away from the field for our first two months of play.
Whatever: He had arrived.
Mitchell performed some emergency surgery on the batting order. Smith was in. He stepped up to the plate. The Express’s outfield turned around and headed toward the home-run zone. The Shadows held our collective breath. “Is he actually good at softball, or is he just really big?” I remember wondering aloud. No one answered. We would find out soon enough.
Express pitched. Smith swung. There was no mistaking it: It was a swunt, plain and simple. The ball bounced lazily to the pitcher, who lobbed the ball to first. It was over. Finally, it was over.
It was a perfect end to a perfect season. Thanks Metropolitan Media Softball League: It’s been demoralizing.
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
One point of clarification may be in order for the stats geeks: There is actually one more weekend of MMSL before the playoffs, but we won’t be playing: nearly everyone on the team will be volunteering at Crafty Bastards.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Perhaps months of rest and time away to reflect will result another season of the “team formerly known as the Shadows” ball.
If we do return, we may need to rename the team and come up with new uniforms. You know, like the NFL or some other league where shit teams come up with a reason for fan interest. In this case, since we have no fans, the change will simply allow us to believe that change is possible.
Can we leave the old team in the “Shadows” in 2009?
Or have we poorly batted our final game…SWUNT!
June 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
MS, we have fans, dammit! Cameron Beaujon LOVES us. So what if he’s not old enough to know better?
July 5th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
As a corner infielder for most of this decade for the National Press Club, I’d just like to say that City Paper is easily the most respected winless team in the media league. Seriously, we respect the hell out of you guys. Please don’t take it as a back-handed complement when I repeat what everybody on our team said about City Paper all the time: We were amazed how you could take the beatings you did on the field, week after week, year after year, and still show up and play with sportsmanship. The good cheer extended not only to your opponents but to each other, which isn’t easy when you’re losing. If this is the end of the road, you’ll be missed.
Just a thought: If you’re folding the team, due to league fees (cheap management?), too few players or too little competitive talent, perhaps you could consider a joint team with some other media outlet. You could reach out either to another local alternative media (who are also your business competitors) or somebody completely unrelated (Roll Call, Kiplinger, Bisnow, who knows?). In my opinion, you’ve survived the crucible of enough rough seasons to deserve to hang around a little longer to enjoy some softball success, or at least the joy of feeling competitive.