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Marx Cafe: You Are So Not Cool

Dear Marx Cafe:

Last night, I was stuck. I was hungry and I desperately wanted to watch the election returns. I picked your establishment because a) you were relatively empty and b) you had CNN on two out of three TVs. And I live near you.

I hate to say this but I regret this decision. Why you decided to pipe in bland adult contemporary alternative [think a Dawson's Creek episode where Pacey drops some bad E] instead of the shout-y mantones of Wolf Blitzer is beyond me. Didn’t you hear that last night was the last real primary night loaded with delegate-rich states? Didn’t you hear that last night could have been—and probably was—a real game changer? Didn’t you hear that Indiana had been changed from a too-early-to call status to a too-close-to-call status?

Even if you don’t scan TPM every five minutes, you should at least have been able to give me the closed-caption option after I requested it. There are nerds out there. They can be your audience too. I am one of them.

Live up to your name. Why call yourselves Marx Cafe if you’re gonna make patrons watch the Celtics game? Why call yourselves Marx Cafe if Indiana is still Very Much In Play and you decide to flick off CNN for “Dancing with the Stars?”

What the hell was that?

You didn’t even ask me what I thought of your selection. If you had asked, I would have suggested that MSNBC’s political team would have been the better choice. I would have told you that its anchor had just been featured on the cover of the New York Times magazine, that the channel is almost hip. I would have told you also that even Morning Joe holds up as web-only reruns.

Instead, you made me think about watching “stars” try to “dance.”

I will end this now. I don’t think I need to mention the food since you appear to treat it as an afterthought. I’m sure whatever voluntary agreement you have does not include having to make a decent veggie burger.

Anyway, please keep in mind that there are still some primaries left. I hear Oregon is going to be the next game changer.

Sincerely,

J.C.

6 Responses to “Marx Cafe: You Are So Not Cool”

  1. Jule Banville Says:

    Why cut on Pacey? What did he ever do to you?

  2. Mark Athitakis Says:

    I’m just impressed that Jason has instant recall on Dawson’s Creek character names. Can a Jason Cherkis Gossip Girl liveblog be far behind?

  3. sara.h Says:

    after eating at Marx Cafe, I wanted to throw up my dinner. I found the burger terribly bland and not at all worth the price.

    what is their “specialty” anyway? their menu is all over the map.

  4. Jamie Says:

    While I’m not a big Marx Cafe fan, at least I’m not the only person in this wonk-infested city who finds watching primary election returns about as much fun as watching paint dry. As it is, it’s almost impossible to avoid a conversation with yet another oracle of elections in this town. But to sit there, riveted, watching the numbers rolling like the jackpot in a casino, is beyond me. Just go online in the morning - the world won’t end nor will the results change because you weren’t there listening to hours of pontification as the ballots come in.

  5. sara.h Says:

    that’s pretty much how i feel about watching sports in a restaurant/bar. yet i’m subjected to that just about every time i go in one. all year long. every year.

    for the few nights that these returns are on, i don’t see why Dancing with the Stars should trump the coverage.

  6. Jamie Says:

    With sports, there are things that move other than the vote odometer. And there’s a chance of a fight.

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