Front Royal Survival Guide

I grew up in a rural area. I like hiking. I know how to put up a tent and start a fire. But the lovely people who live in Front Royal, Va., are good; they can smell the city folk from two blocks away. Last weekend some friends and I rented a cabin for a little R&R, which included a couple trips into town. Here’s what I learned:
1. Don’t Buy Firewood. This is a dead giveaway. After an unsuccessful fire from the soggy wood we chopped with random tools we found in the basement–including a mini chainsaw, a sledgehammer, and something called a wedge–we went searching for wood to buy. We found it at a 7-Eleven. And we got heckled. Actually, we got passively heckled. Two guys getting in their car had a very loud conversation that went something like this: “Shit! They’re buying firewood!” “Oh my god, I can’t believe it! They’re buying firewood?!” Not enjoyable.
2. Don’t Buy Fancy Coffee. OK, this one should be obvious. But if a town has a cafe, it seems reasonable to stop by it and buy a cappuccino. We did this. As we were walking down the sidewalk of this sleepy town, there were suddenly people hanging out every window (or so it seemed) making fun of us and our coffee. Much laughing ensued.
3. Don’t Take Pictures of the Anti-Abortion Signs. It’s hard to resist, especially with gems like: “If you can read this sign, you weren’t aborted.” But I’m pretty sure we got a nasty stare from a guy on his dirt bike.
4. Don’t Drive a Rented Chevy Impala. Enough said.




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March 26th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
My dad lives on a mountain right outside of front royal and we use the first big abortion sign off 66 onto rt. 55 to direct visitors to the house. You cant miss it.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I moved from Reston to Linden 3 years ago and came up with a similar list including the correct way to pronounce Front Royal: pretend you have a mouth full of marbles and say “fir oil”.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it here - but is sure is different that a typical NOVA town.
March 29th, 2008 at 8:31 am
I moved out to Linden a few years back. The very first thing I noticed was the honesty behind the “may I help you?” at the stores and shops. Understandably; I get the fire wood comment; I might’ve been the one that made the comment had you not heard the ACTUAL words and said you surmised them. Fairfax County, where I grew up, has been overwhelmed at 1 million+ residents and has become a hard place to get a moments rest. Life is decidedly different here in the “FronRoyl” area. “I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
also, if you happen upon a bouncy ball, don’t let it bounce down the street into cars. and, while in the pawn shop, don’t interrupt the regulars card game! we are damn lucky we did not get shot, i think.