West Virginia Fans Are Dumb
Earlier this week, Slate ran its annual Teams We Hate feature. I'm a longtime contributor. Back in 2005, I took a lot of shit from Vermont fans who seemed utterly astounded that someone would actually hate Vermont. They didn't come to that realization with a lot of grace. Last year, I hated on Notre Dame. Didn't hear much back on that one, I suppose, because the Domers are used to being hated.
This year, I did West Virginia and USC (Southern California, not South Carolina). USC fans I'm pretty sure aren't even fully aware they have a basketball team, but I was worried about the West Virginia fans. I took a low-blow shot about "Larry the Cable Guy aficionados" that I figured wouldn't go over too well. I prepared to be shamed for indulging in such base stereotypes.
However, this particular e-mail chain—between a fellow Teams We Hate contributor and an irate 'Eer—proves WVU fans deserve all the low blows they get:
On Thu, Mar 20, 2008 at 1:27 PM, K SmithP <[XXX]@yahoo.com> wrote:
I know that being from West Virginia means suffering all those really original jokes we've never heard a million times about trailer trash and Larry the Cable buy, but half the students who attend WVU are from out of state – mostly New Jersey. When they come here, they bring a particular brand of nastiness not normally found in West Virginia.If you're going to bash WVU and use cliches and stereotypes, you might throw in a few Guido references just to keep it balanced.
Fuck you.
<[XXX]@gmail.com> wrote:
You know I didn't write that West Virginia item, right?K SmithP <[XXX]@yahoo.com> wrote:
I see. I didn't know you each had a byline on each seperate, nasty, snippy, snarky little individual team bash.Sorry about the "fuck you." Can you pass my message along to Mr. Winetraub? . . .with the "fuck you"?
Thank you.
<[XXX]@gmail.com> wrote:
Mike DeBonis, actually. Fuck him, too?K SmithP <[XXX]@yahoo.com> wrote:
Yes, please.Thank you.
<[XXX]@gmail.com> wrote:
My pleasure.
2:12 pm
Ah yes, let the West Virginia-bashing begin. Because no other state has trailers or poverty or accents or any of the other stereotypes folks like to throw out...good times.
3:23 pm
Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
3:26 pm
Q: Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.
3:26 pm
That enough to get us started?
4:11 pm
Feel better?
4:52 pm
Fuck you, Mike De Bone-Ass.
4:55 pm
Q: How would you know that Adams Morgan's mother and sister are from West Virginia?
A: They're the same person.
12:15 am
I thought "get er done" was taken from "Carrie" when John Travolta yelled at the guy to kill the sheep for its blood.
So where are the kids taking "Gitr done" nowadays?
12:45 pm
@creative loaf of bread: Should I be ashamed to admit that I know the answer to this question? It's Larry the Cable Guy. It's his line.
1:01 pm
Stop pretending you dont know where "Get R done" is from you egomaniac, how naive do you think people are? Anyway, I am not a college basketball fan but my grandfather is and he loves WV and is an open minded intelligent individual. The whole basis of your little team bashing hobby is lumping people into groups which is DUMB in it of itself. In my opinion your average sports fanatic is not all that bright.
5:58 pm
"...fuck him too?"
"yes, please."
...that's better than "yes, have some" in Ghostbusters and "pork rind[?]" "pork rind[.]" in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'll never be unhappy again!
9:42 am
Hey Mike,
What ARE the odds my son (three thousand miles away) would come across this and call me and ask me if I was the Mountaineer fan cited to as THE prime example of Mountaineer stupidity.
Mike, the "fuck you" still stands.
Kim
11:33 am
people do realize that larry the cable guy is from nebraska, right? i don't hear many nebraska jokes. then again, i've never been to nebraska to hear any.