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An Open Letter To The Dude Who Torched My Trash Can

Posted by Amanda Hess on Jan. 17, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Dude,

When I exited my modest basement apartment this morning to find this melted hunk of plastic accompanied by a glorious array of charred, rotting filth adorning my sidewalk, I thought, "Hey, that actually looks pretty sweet":

Fire Trash

I also thought, "That beauty is going to be here for fucking ever." How am I expected to dispose of that thing, dude? Put it in my other trash can?

That's some trash can-nibalistic bullshit, dude.

Sincerely,

Amanda Hess

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Comments

  1. Joe Warminsky January 17th, 2008
    2:24 pm
    #1

    How do you know it was a dude? It could've been an androgynous fire-demon.

  2. Joe Warminsky January 17th, 2008
    2:33 pm
    #2

    Note that I didn't suggest that it could've been a woman. From Issue 8 of Tate Etc., a publication of the museum:

    Female pyromaniacs are so very rare indeed that they are most likely to be found as the main character in a horror film. Men with a tendency towards pyromania, on the other hand, are standard variations of the species. This darker side of behaviour also includes the secret and at times utterly inappropriate pleasure of uncontrolled explosions. But I digress.

    Incidentally, the article itself is about Peter Fischli and David Weiss's "The Way Things Go," a fire flick that I believe is showing at the Hirshhorn right now.

    http://www.frif.com/cat97/t-z/the_way_.html

    http://www.tate.org.uk/tateetc/issue8/fischliweiss_waythingswent.htm

  3. Amanda Hess January 17th, 2008
    2:54 pm
    #3

    I anticipated this criticism. My response is that I feel the term "dude" is applicable to males, females, and androgynous fire-demons.

  4. chaz January 17th, 2008
    3:14 pm
    #4

    I agree. I mean, if you want to be formal, then "dude" and "dudess"...but "dude" works for everyone.

  5. Jamie January 17th, 2008
    4:02 pm
    #5

    Sorry 'bout that. I thought my cigarette was out.

  6. Mr. T in DC January 17th, 2008
    4:59 pm
    #6

    All you can really do at this point is keep on burning it until it becomes a compact enough ball of melted platic to stick in a garbage bag and another trash container. Do you have any lighter fluid or gasoline on hand? Maybe a really large magnifying glass? Hee hee.

  7. Downtown Rez January 17th, 2008
    9:58 pm
    #7

    Uh... Amanda... It's Dude and Dudette.

    Take it from a guy who also suggests you make sure to cash the bowl and make sure the ashes aren't glowing BEFORE emptying them into a plastic trash can.

  8. Joe Warminsky January 18th, 2008
    3:51 pm
    #8

    I think it's appropriate, at times, to go with "dudess," like "heiress."

    'Cuz, y'know, a dudette is kinda like a lesser dudess.

  9. justintime January 29th, 2008
    2:37 pm
    #9

    Awesome.

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