Arlington, Den of Thieves
To the greedy bastards who stole my helmet from the top case of my scooter: I have lice. And, I put itching powder in the helmet. And that really good salsa, which you also took, it's expired. Happy botulism day!
After getting so much guff for living in scary Petworth, I should note that this dastardly crime occurred Arlington, in front of the Columbia Pike Library.