Seriously, Fuck a Bunch of Low-Flying Pigeons.
Attention, all low-flying pigeons at Champlain and Euclid Sts. NW: I am going to punch you right in your ugly fucking bird face.
It’s bad enough that you are diseased rats with wings, but I can tolerate that much because it’s not your fault that you are diseased rats with wings—it’s God’s fault. I’ll take that up with him when I finally croak, but I would like that inevitable meeting not to be the result of some stupid, ugly, diseased fucking pigeon flying into my eye. So, the next time you see me walking through your little concrete park gathering area, stay the hell away from me. You will know it is me because I will be the angry-looking guy with the Subway bag in one hand (Eat Fresh) and the other hand cocked and ready to punch any pigeon that flies by.
And you know what? Fuck your high-flying pigeon friends, too. I will jump off of a building and drop kick them in their bird asses until they explode. I am 1000% awesome and pigeons suck.
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1:06 pm
Fuck those shit for brains motherfuckin birds. I think the bacteria wind that is a result of their gross wing flappage gave me pink eye once.
2:13 pm
Pigeon dung rotted the steel on the I-35W bridge that collapsed into the Mississippi River in Minneapolis and is ruining Paul Brown Stadium and Cincinnati Bengals home games. A crazed cabal of poultry-panderers wants to prevent urban pigeon birth control.
The best pigeon birth control: birdshot, and an open season, night and day. Poison’s too good for ‘em.
2:44 pm
The mention of God makes this post more “death metal” than “punk rock.”
3:48 pm
There was a guy who used to walk up and down Columbia Road and sneak up on unsuspecting birds and bash them in the head with a fucking padlock. No fucking joke. Saw it with my own eyes.
1:18 am
But wait! As we ranted, the British celebrated the restoration of a “War Animal Heroes Cemetery” with a “Pigeon fly-by.” And do you know why? Most of the courageous critters therein are (okay, were) Royal Army Carrier Pigeons.. They gave them medals.
They have an Honor Roll..
It’s time for our pigeons to pull their weight, reject the popcorn and bread crumbs, join the Air National Guard and ship out.
2:08 pm
Matt, we’ll be waiting…
2:09 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7675804N04/2110583377/
2:09 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7675804@N04/2110583377/