City Desk

Bad Holiday Gift Idea No. 1

Mozzarella Slicer

OK, granted: Cutting a nice, fresh ball of mozzarella cheese isn't as clean and easy as, say, a fresh stalk of celery. If the stuff is good, it'll go all amorphous on you. As an aspiring Italian chef, I know this from experience, and my talents with fresh mozzarella are legendary. My friends, after all, call me "buf."

Not even I, however, am going to fall for the above-pictured Williams-Sonoma whopper of the '07 giving season. It's called the "Mozzarella Slicer," and it's designed to conquer those "soft, slippery balls of cheese." You just place the fresh mozzarella on the device's platform, lower the wire slicer, and presto!

Please. For the slicer's $22 tag, I could prepare perhaps 20 turkey burgers, freeze them, and have lunches for four weeks–in fact, I think I'll go ahead and do just that.

The description of the "Mozzarella Slicer" says it's a W-S "Exclusive," but my money says that Ron Popeil had a hand in this one.

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  • sara.h
  • SarahG

    You're crazy if you don't see the advantages of this thing. I can see how, for a single family, this might be a waste of $22. But if, for instance, you are preparing caprese for a big Italian family prone to complain about people who do a shitty job chopping stuff, this thing could be a total lifesaver!

  • Mike Licht

    Just as useful as last year's mango slicer.

  • Tony Lumpkin

    My sister, a QVC addict, came to visit recently and exclaimed, as I was cutting up some carrots, "What, you are doing that with a knife!" I was dumbfounded by her remark in the same way when someone asks you with great sincerity a ridiculous question that has an obvious answer, like (as someone really recently asked me in comments on a document) "Where did this failure rate come from? Is it the percentage of times this failed?"

    Is the person a moron?
    Is there really anything to the question and I am a moron for missing it?
    Have I really done something so sophisticated that is incomprehensible to average people?

    These questions I asked myself up hearing my sister's remark. It only got worse, because I am apparently stupid, uncool, and a threat to society because I don't own of those crappy spin chopper thingies.

    Marketing has people thoroughly brainwashed, especially when it comes to kitchen stuff. I like Alton Brown on Good Eats for debunking a lot of this crap (Cook's Illustrated and its sister the America's Test Kitchen Show do a good job, too).

  • FSW

    That is hilarious!!! I actually got one of these last year from my mother!! I had made a huge caprese salad for Easter earlier that year (which I did fine with a knife) and she felt the need to buy me an egg/cheese slicer that was exactly like that one. That was a definite "worst holiday gift"