Drivers Ed
D.C.'s car cell-phone ban is very wise, I discovered during my driving lesson this weekend. But I'd take it a step further: Don't let people talk in cars at all.
That's because conversation saps precious mental resources from such tasks as noticing stop signs. While silent, I drove like a pro, cruising at speeds upward of forty miles per hour. I spent several minutes on a four-lane road without breaking a sweat. Then, I turned left, boldly crossing a lane of oncoming traffic. I even remembered to check my mirrors with some frequency---no mean feat given my one-month driving hiatus.
Things went south when I told Jason (my friend and driving instructor) about a strange personal essay I recently read. In it, a Poynter Institute scholar has a moral quandary in a church bathroom, involving a little boy and his zipper. Seriously. And to top things off, the writer then posted a link on his blog to solicit admiration for his hackneyed literary devices.
Thus distracted, I rolled right past a stop sign. A few minutes later, I nearly knocked off Jason's left mirror while slaloming through parked cars on a narrow street.
Rattled, I turned over the wheel to my instructor, who drove to a church so I could practice parking. At first, I didn't have much luck---either I hit an imaginary car, or I ended up all crooked in the space. But just as I was about to give up, a church-bound lady flashed me a reassuring smile. I pulled into the next space without a hitch.
Maybe she was an angel.
Driving lesson 5
Destination: McLean
Lessons learned: Don't talk and drive
Weather conditions: Cold
Sadie: B
Jessica: Truant
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3:59 pm
I think your conclusion from your experience is slightly inaccurate. Rather than banning activities of any sort in cars (on the premise that if YOU can't walk and chew gum at the same time, then nobody must be able to), why not simply require that people be able to drive? Obviously, you can't, but I see no reason why the rest of us should pay the price for that.
I happen to be capable of driving while talking on a cell phone without running stop signs. I can sometimes even adjust my radio, or roll down the window without endangering lives!!
Some other people on the road, on the other hand, seem incapable of driving even under the most benign of conditions. I tremble in fear about how you might react should, say, someone pass you on the right as you dawdle at 10 mph below the speed limit in the left lane, or, perhaps, should an emergency vehicle with very loud and distressing sirens pass by.
Seriously, though. I hate laws that assume that everyone is equally inept. Talking on cell phones while driving is a problem only when the driver clearly can't pay attention to the road at the same time. But why is this any different than talking to someone in the car, or putting on makeup, or anything else idiots do while operating 5,000 pound vehicles? There are plenty of people who drive as badly - or worse - without needing a cell phone to drag them down to that level. Yet they are allowed to continue to make the roads less safe by not using their turn signals, or being unable to stay in one lane, or driving slowly in the fast lane, or any number of other clueless activities that apparently don't bother the pouplace as much as simply talking on a cell phone.
4:58 pm
True. Same goes for drunk driving. Most alcoholics are unfazed by a .08
While we're at it, why license drivers at all? Let people's driving speak for itself.
7:04 pm
Jamie,
If you're driving is as bad as you're writing, I suspect you're in denial regarding your road skills. Or did I miss the point that your writing is intentionally matched to the wit of your rather provincial point?
jk
7:06 pm
Jamie,
If your driving is as bad as you’re writing, I suspect you’re in denial regarding your road skills. Or did I miss the point that your writing is intentionally matched to the wit of your rather provincial point?
jk
7:07 pm
GD Enter buttons.
9:09 am
Dingfelder, you've done it again! Hilarious. I love that your fun little article has elicited such hate-filled vitriol from Jamie. What is a "pouplace" anyway (last sentence of Jamie's response)? Is it a place where assholes reign? Is it a place where arrogant pricks suck at writing? Jamie, do you live in Pouplace? If so, I'd love to hang out with you sometime -- you sound sooo cool. Call me! Anyway, I loved it, Dingfelder. Keep up the excellent writing.
9:43 am
Sadie: Cool post. I'm just sorry that my column drove you to distraction -- or caused you to drive distracted. Anyhow, thanks for the mention. Imitation is, indeed, the sincerest form of flattery.
9:58 am
Cell phones block peripheral vision, and you are supposed to be using two hands to drive. So their risk is greater than regular talking.
Why is this still even being discussed or debated in any way, shpae or form? The horse is not only dead, its bones have decayed at this point.
11:35 am
"If you’re driving is as bad as you’re writing, I suspect you’re in denial regarding your road skills. Or did I miss the point that your writing is intentionally matched to the wit of your rather provincial point?"
Interesting that you'd criticize Jamie's writing, considering the last sentence quoted above is perhaps the stupidest thing I've read this month.
1:42 pm
maybe that church-bound lady was the embodiement of St Otto--patron saint of parking (or so I'm told).
2:38 pm
Kudos to Sadie for generating rancor through her blog post -- I've been trying to inspire readers to take callous pot-shots at each other on my blog for months to no avail. Well done Dingfelder!
1:01 am
I myself pray to St. Clare, patron saint of television.
Speaking of which, why does every car have a TV in it that can easily distract other drivers? Now THAT's something to be upset about, Jamie.