Why Dorothy Parker Should Be the New Maureen Dowd
I recently attended a D.C. Women Journalists happy hour. Even though I'm still clinging to my 20s, I was easily the matron of the bunch. I ended up sitting next to a congressional reporter who was telling a story about an annoying saleslady. "She was older," my unknowing colleague said, "like 30." Ugh. Once I got over being wounded about my age, I realized I was sitting at a table full of whip-smart women. And sadly, no grand dames of our craft were in attendance. We don't have the kind of club the boys have in this town.
Later at home---and I know this may be trite---I pulled out the old Dorothy Parker as a substitute. I had a hankering for some of her dialogue-clogged stories, especially the proto-snarky bits where she reduces both sexes to their preening, self-centered selves. You read her and think, Damn, we're so much smarter and better than the rest of these bitches. But then I opened the book randomly and came across two examples of Dorothy indulging in a little wounded hating on the cool kids and some very girly self-loathing. It made me like her even more. The first was a poem about, basically, hipsters. One line from the poem "Bohemia" reads, "Playwrights and poets and such horses' necks/Start off from anywhere, end up at sex."
The next was an entire short story about how she wished a guy would call her, and she knew he liked her less because she had called him earlier that day, but she didn't care and still spent the night staring at the phone. Not that I've ever done that.
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4:41 pm
I once sat across from a woman on the Metro who was debating the merits of attending a joint JD-MBA graduate program, with two of her friends. Smart girl, right? The con of attending said program? "I"ll be like TWENTY-SIX when I finish!" I'm trying not to stare at her, my then 28 year old mouth agape, thinking, "When did 26 become the kiss of death?"
5:18 pm
Actually, I read Dorothy Parker and think "Damn, she's so much smarter and better than the city paper writers."
5:22 pm
Uh...darlin', you ain't no "grand dame" of journalism. (pat pat on your head)
5:29 pm
As DP would've said:
Oh Life is a glorious cycle of song
A medley of extemporanea
And if Valdez' teeth are already too long
Then I am Marie of Romania.
6:29 pm
I'd like to suggest that you spend even more time reading from Dorothy Parker. You could learn a lot from her. She's only wrote when she had something worth reading.
9:40 am
I’ve scarcely begun to warm up to Angela’s whip-smart style of reporting - then Carrie has to stick her two-foot long red shiny nose in and spoil everything!!
1:50 pm
What fresh hell is this, Ernest? If you cut me, do I not bleed? If you rub against my thighs, do they not chafe?
Oh, wait. I get it. You're still smarting from my revelation of your fetish for shiny red baboon asses. What was that, three weeks ago? Back when you claimed that "whip-smart" Valdez was an idiot who deserved to be catcalled and assaulted because she was wearing a short skirt? … Funny, I thought she was smart even then, when you were calling her a cocktease.
But I'm sorry you're still holding a grudge about that, Ernie-poo. Must be a slow month in the monkeyhouse? Not many visitors? Tai Shan still stealing the crowds? Try the tire swing -- it's hours of fun.
3:33 pm
Yo tengo un impresion que Carrie la Roja es una chica loca pero senorita Valdez es mui inteligente.
4:28 pm
Claro gue si. Angela sabe como escribir bueno. Carrie no.
4:41 pm
Ernest, if you spent more time reading and less time googling red monkeybutts (or riding my ass for no particular reason), you'd know that the little ditty I left here was actually Dorothy Parker's, not mine. And if you consider it bad writing, I'm oh so happy to be in her company.
(And speaking of awesome female journalists, there was a terrific interview with Jamie Tarabay on Fresh Air today. Valdez, if you're looking for a grand dame of journalism in Parker's absence, Tarabay has some serious brass ovaries. OK, so she's *radio*, but still: At 32, she's obviously edging toward AARP territory.)
4:44 pm
Claro.