I bet what he’s shooting in is a ball of Flubber. Ads will appear in the Post magazine any day now, with before-and-after shots and the tagline: “Doctor Christopher Warner, for the Prettiest, Bounciest Poontangs* in the Greater Washington Metropolitan Area.”

[* These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. Functionality of new and improved vagina (NAIV) not guaranteed. You may have more trouble in airport security lines. Transportation of NAIV across state lines is considered interstate smuggling and is a federal crime. Substance installed in your NAIV interacts with the glue in composite-wood furniture and may trigger homicidal impulses/seizures. Your NAIV will be fitted with an electronic tracking device. You must pay annual fees of $2000 to offset the carbon dioxide emissions of your NAIV.]

By the way, Carrie, my vagina is again having sympathy pains for all the women who are ridiculous enough to let this doctor shoot up their ladybits. Owie.

That’s a seriously lame success rate. Go back to the drawing board before releasing the marketing hounds.

Also, it says this treatment is “drug-free.” So what the hell kind of “drug-free” concoction is Dr. Vag injecting into stirrup-bound women, in 30 minutes or less?? And what kind of “syringe” is he using to do it?

This whole thing smacks of some B-movie shocker where the saintly ob-gyn impregnates his patients in hopes of creating a master race of crazed little ob-gyns armed with vaginal lasers. Where’s Tom Servo when you need him?