Bring the Tour-Bus Kids Home
The other day I got to explore the massive Pentagon City Mall. Figuring out (a) where the parking lot was; and (b) how the parking lot connects to the mall were difficult enough. The real issue with that place is navigating through the hordes of tour-bus kids. On a Tuesday night, there must have been thousands of pasty children running around, plastic badges clipped to their shirts or worn on lanyards. They cued up six or eight deep around the escalators, raced around the food court, and bombed the store devoted to ballcaps.
Many of them hovered around the store simply called "America!" This is a store devoted unconditionally to the U.S. of A. and still apparently believes George W. Bush can sell T-shirts, if not a troop surge. Don't these kids watch South Park? Or this?
All this got me thinking: I get why the kids end up at the mall. It's massive, safe, and air conditioned. It has that sprawling food court that can deal with hundreds of kids all at once and allow for a relatively stress-free dining experience (unlike, say, California Tortilla in Chinatown after a Hoyas game). But why stick them in a mall, an experience they've surely had in Des Moines, Altoona, or wherever. Why not keep these kids and their dollars inside the District?
What about converting the old convention center space into a depot for these kids? Give them a food court. A library, even! There's enough space in that lot. What do y'all think? Do we want their money? Or do we want to keep them lining up at America!?
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12:35 pm
Tour-bus kids have been there almost every time I've visited. (Hey, a girl needs her Forever 21 fix. Once a month. Shut up.) I guess it's a DC landmark now? "Hey kids, we're going to take you to the Washington Monument, the American History museum, and the PENTAGON CITY MALL!"
What the holy fuck.
2:26 pm
I'm not sure whether to be amused or saddened by the fact that America! sells T-shirts and caps reading, "The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves":
http://america-store.stores.yahoo.net/beatwilconts.html
2:29 pm
Jason, this is a bunch of self-hating ex-suburban-kid b.s. "Why not keep these kids and their dollars inside the District?" Gee, I dunno, maybe because they think going to the mall is fun? You gotta imagine that by the time they've trudged through the umpteenth how-money-is-made exhibit, they deserve the chance to buy a soft pretzel and a scented pillow if they feel like it. So maybe it's not how you'd spend your visit to the nation's capital as a kid. Get over yourself.
4:43 pm
Unbelievable. If you read my blog post correctly I was actually advocating for a little suburban flavor for the old convention center site. I'm pretty sure making fun of America! the store is fair game.
Now, you get over yourself!
4:46 pm
Yeah! You're not the boss of him (oh, I guess, technically, you are).
6:23 pm
Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the f*ck up--YOU go to the MALL?
7:02 pm
Fancy yourself too smart for the mall, don't you? What the ef does the 'G' stand for? Goofy?
10:41 am
Aren't these tour-bus kids likely staying in Virginia hotels? So after they do the Smithsonian thing by day on the national mall(where yes I was onced really asked where are the stores if it's a mall) they come back to Virginia and do the Pentagon City Mall thing before heading back to the hotel. So turning the old convention center site into a mall might work by day, but would the tour-bus kids go there at night?
11:14 am
Ernest: Shuddup & mind your own bidness, please. K THX
12:25 pm
Shut up yourself, you miserable cow. That trifling business of yours should be kept off these pages. Just like the patronizing nonsense that precedes it. Leave the kids alone, you jerks.
What kind of dreadful handle is SarahG anyway?
12:58 pm
Ernest, do you contribute anything here except for utterly unfunny insults to the posters?
Yeah, it is *hilarious* that her handle is SarahG. LOL LOL LOL! You showed her.
Really, if you're going to be an asshole, at least try to be a funny/relevant asshole. Or just stay in your stall and wipe yourself quietly.
2:44 pm
Gee, The Anti-Ernest... That must be that awful Sarah again.
Not funny, eh? Well, that condescending banter above is simply side-splitting by comparison.
Irrelevant? Being a bunch of hacks whose paltry salaries are paid from porn & whore advertisements you are of course in an excellent position to judge,
Know your place, arsewipes.
2:52 pm
It's the bestest handle ever you sorry piece of trash. You need to get off teh innernets and go take some deep breaths or something. Or go to camp. Or go to jail. Or save Christmas. That's right--Ernest movie jokes! God, I love e-fights. OK--Now you go!
3:21 pm
What kind of jackass makes fun of hard-working journalists for their paltry salaries? What are your other hobbies -- taunting cancer victims? Kicking bunny rabbits?
Before you tell people to know their place, you might wanna think about the fact that while SarahG may write for a paper financed by escort ads, you're the one posting sad little pointlessly insulting messages on the *blog* of the paper financed by escort ads.
That makes you not an asshole, but the dingleberry clinging to the asshole. Toddle off and don't come back till you've finished your memoir, "The Unimportance of Being Ernest."
3:48 pm
Oh, snap!
3:49 pm
Ernest, you horrid little rascal, how dared you make fun of hard-working journalists?! Back yard right now!!
This is awkward. Please disregard his harsh expressions. Ernie's such a sweet little boy. It must be something he ate!
3:57 pm
Leave Ernest alone!
Working for peanuts is lame! Whores are dirty and newspapers with ads for whores are even dirtier!
4:02 pm
Oh, fuck, it's too confusing.
4:29 pm
Indeed, Ernest. You constantly scold and criticize. Don't you have anything nice to say? For a change.
4:41 pm
I don't want to be nice, I think it's clever to swear.
Sarah, that 'frankenstein' hairstyle really doesn't suit you.
Lovely haircut, Peggy. How much did you pay?
Get off my back, Ma.
4:47 pm
The contents of my diaper are cleverer than Ernest!
4:50 pm
[insert cat macro here]
4:59 pm
Sarah... nah, you aint even worth the effort...
Peggy, on the other hand...
5:04 pm
I will say this for you, Ernest--you made the work hours go by faster today. For reals. Let's meet back here Monday and do it all over again!
5:18 pm
Sarah, back off, [swears disgustingly]!
Oh my God, Ernest! I thought you'd never ask. Yes, yes, yes! I'll happily give you the pleasure.
5:40 pm
Leave him alone, shameless slut!
Ernest, you get out of that broom closet right this instance before I really get mean!