Jim Spellman, former drummer for Velocity Girl and current member of Julie Ocean, is now a producer for CNN. Recently, Spellman volunteered to be Tasered for a piece on non-lethal weapons. His take? It “hurt like the dickens.”

I am taking notes, as I’m reviewing the show for the Post. The definitely not thirsty lady next to me starts jostling me during the last song, “Man on the Moon,” and at one point tries to grab my hand and force me to finger-dance alongside her during the “yeah yeah yeah yeah” parts. Politely indicate that I’m working.

She then escalates the bumping-into-me campaign and, during the feedbacky end of the song, shouts, “I HOPE YOU’RE WRITING THIS DOWN BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING AWESOME.” I am, in fact, writing down observations about the show. “MY FRIEND WANTS TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,” she shouts. She shoves her friend in front of me and repeats that her friend wants to tell me something. “Yes?” I ask.

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!” shouts her friend.

“HE DOESN’T CARE!” the first woman shouts. “HE WORKS FOR A NEWSPAPER!”

Photo from last night’s show by S1acker

I love George Michael. You don’t? Kiss my ass.

But the thing about George Michael is he’s a classic Greatest Hits artist. George Michael’s deep cuts aren’t gonna get anyone anywhere. The last George Michael Greatest Hits I bought is a two-disc job called Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael. George divided the disc into two parts: Disc 1 is “For the Heart”; Disc 2 is “For the Feet.” You know what I want? One disc “For the Car.”

Some artists are two-disc Greatest Hits artists. Queen, Zeppelin, Elton John…uh, I dunno, Rod?

George Michael is a one-disc-er. This is not a diss! So’s Abba, whose Abba Gold is probably the greatest Greatest Hits of all time! But just try to tell George that.

As evidence, I offer George Michael’s new Greatest Hits, called TwentyFive, which came out this past April over here, just in time to get us ready for George’s Greatest Hits tour of the States. It’s called TwentyFive Live. And just try to keep me away from it!

You won’t have as much trouble keeping me away from the six new songs on TwentyFive, whose discs are called “For Living” and “For Loving,” though. Obviously, George has passed the point where he has ANYONE around him who’ll break it to him that his best work will fit neatly on one disc, and that, “Outside” aside, an update on his Greatest Hits wasn’t exactly necessary. More evidence: His cover of “Feeling Good,” which, c’mon, Nina Simone has owned that for, like, ever. George! I’m telling you as a friend you’ve never met! 1) Enough with the Greatest Hitses, already; 2) The only person who can cover Nina Simone-owned songs is Rod Stewart, since his voice sounds exactly like hers now.

I’d be happy to provide the same service for Paul McCartney, if he’d listen.

Hey hey, there’s a live chat with Travis Morrison this morning at Washingtonian.com. Ask him about the New York City tap water, or maybe how it feels being a “predecessor to the dance-rock movement,” or his days as a cab driver, or even something about computers. He knows a lot about computers.

Dim the lights and pour out a little rosé tonight for soft-rock pioneer Paul Davis, who passed away yesterday at 60. One of the formative experiences of my early musical life was listening to Casey Kasem’s American Top 20 and for some reason keeping detailed lists of who was at what position each week. For a long time it was Paul Davis with his broken-heart ballad “I Go Crazy,” which was in the Top 100 for 40 weeks and on AT20 for what felt like twice that.

Here’s a video of Davis performing “I Go Crazy.” It’s instructive how little motion there is onstage.

Personally, I prefer “65 Love Affair,” (listen here) because I like to remember when rock ‘n’ roll was simple and clear.

Just like the Old Days, 9353 is gigging around town. Just like the Old Days, 9353 is making cool posters. Just like the Old Days, 9353 singer Bruce Miles Hellington is covering every available surface in said town with said posters. “9353 has never sounded better than it does at this moment! what’s that about?” Hellington says in an e-mail, adding in another that the dates on the poster are a little wonky: “the last one is cancelled and the next to the last one is iffy,” he says. Still, that’s at least three chances to catch the last shows in which 9353 will be “playing exclusively oldies” Hellington says. Below the jump, 9353’s new poster.
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A friend of mine was reviewing the show. I came along! And thought:

1) Far too many people in the Washington area have gone through the first two-thirds of their lives without any meaningful feedback about their wardrobe choices.
Long-sleeved black T-shirt tucked in and belted to tapered jeans plus white Reeboks? Suit jacket (not sportscoat) over white oxford and jeans? Any number of other tucking-in-and-belting offenses? Look, I know what this town is. But can we not do even a little better? Oh, and what’s with the semi-Celtic dancing?

2) Winning the “My Grammy Moment” contest is no guarantee of future results.
There she was, an emolliated beacon in the darkness of desiccation (though to be fair, Eric Bazilian and Rob Hyman still looked excellent; must be those “Time After Time” royalties): Ann Marie Calhoun. You know, the lady who won the Grammy contest and got to perform with the Foo Fighters as a result. Jason Bateman said her name! And now…she’s onstage at the Birchmere with the Hooters. I mean, it could be worse: She could be appearing on Larry King with Ringo Starr or guesting at Disco Biscuits shows…oh wait.

3) God help me if I ever get divorced.
A potentially all-consuming terror of dating at my age took root when I saw people even older than me doing it. Though it was pretty sweet to not be the geeziest person in the room for a change.

4) Fear a band with a short drive ahead of them.
You know they’re gonna break out the Elvis Costello covers.

5) The word “Hooters”? Still funny.
Did not see any, though. I think I’ll stick to covering country.

Muxtapes! Everyone’s making ‘em! I made a totally awesome one, which I’ve decided to share with you, our loyal readers. Muxtape doesn’t let you annotate your mixtapes, so I’m gonna do that here, after the jump.
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Sohrab Habibion, who if you’re old like me might remember from the D.C. band Edsel, is playing Friday night at Comet Ping-Pong with his new band Obits. Obits, which also features Rick Froberg from Drive Like Jehu, seems to triangulate between Sonic Youth, the Fall, and Dick Dale if the tracks on the band’s MySpace page are any indication. Edsel has a surprising presence on the Web for a band that broke up in 1997–a respectable Web site, plus a MySpace page with a bunch of friends that are similar local indie-rock ghosts: Shudder to Think, Velocity Girl, Chisel.

Hey, go see Obits! (Just like Jason told you to last week!) And listen to a little Edsel here!
DOWNLOAD:
Edsel, “Feeder” (1990)
Edsel, “Port Wood Finish” (1995)

Boston is not the kind of band that gets hung up on their singer dying. No, when life gives Boston lemonade, Boston just picks itself up, dusts itself off, and calls…the dude from Stryper? Yes, that’s correct, Michael Sweet, the man who taught bazillions of Christian kids to shout at the devil and tease their hair to unheard-of heights, is replacing poor Brad on Boston’s upcoming tour of casinos, fairs, and races. But wait! That’s not all! Sweet will be spelled by Tommy DeCarlo, who attracted the attention of Boston on MySpace, where he sung their hits.

God, what did Brad Delp ever do to you? (Press release follows the jump. Enjoy some Stryper NOW!)

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