Summer, sadly, is coming to an end. And so, too, is the summer concert season, a profitable time for show promoters and a nadir for music fans. Like the big-budget, small-minded Hollywood sequels that drop like glittery turds into national cinemas every July, summer arena concerts are designed for maximum entertainment and minimum contemplation. This week, the season goes out with a big, dumb bang while snobs (like us!) await the slightly more dignified fall arts season.

Tonight: American Idols Live! at Verizon Center
Season 10 is over. We already know that country guy won. Can’t we just move on?

Saturday: Lynyrd Skynyrd at Aberdeen Proving Ground
Lynyrd Skynyrd is the reason people scream “Free Bird” at concerts. But the worst part about a Skynyrd concert is that people scream “Free Bird”—and then the band actually plays “Free Bird.”

Saturday: DC Fest at Patriot Center
Christian music gets a lot of crap, and that’s unfair. There’s nothing wrong with Christian music—gospel and spiritual folk music, for example, can be deeply moving. But how much inspiration can be dredged from the Goo Goo Dolls–lite stylings of Big Daddy Weave, Kutless, and Michael W. Smith?

Sunday: Ke$ha at Patriot Center
Ke$ha really made sense in the golden age of Hollywood starlet trainwrecks (aka 2009). Now it’s just weird she’s still around. Named after one of her sassy singles, this jaunt is called the Get $leazy Tour, though it’s doubtful Ke$ha needed another excuse to do that.

Monday: Kid Rock with Sheryl Crow at Jiffy Lube Live
Kid Rock has cleaned up his act since “Bawitdaba,” and he’s using Sheryl Crow’s blandness to cement his eternal placement on adult contemporary airwaves. Crow is probably just excited to be associated with someone who’s kind of grimy. The result? Sappy cryin’-into-my-wine-cooler music.

Tuesday: Buckethead at Rams Head Live
Buckethead facts: (1) He’s a guitar virtuoso. (2) He’s collaborated with great musicians in the past (excluding Axl Rose). (3) He’s a 42-year-old man who wears a bucket on his head. The bucket—along with his obsession with chickens, robots, and Disney—is considered intriguing by his fans, but it’s also what’s kept this shredder from transcending novelty status.

Illustration by Brooke Hatfield

• Eric Felten Jazz Orchestra. Blues Alley. $25.
• L.A. Guns w/ Mis-Fit, Tilt, Sinner’s Trail, Bitter Pill. Jaxx. $18/$20. +21.
• Sheryl Crow, Ari Hest. Filene Center at Wolf Trap. $30-$48.
• TheoryCast, ReVeL, Fight The Bear, Conshafter. Rock and Roll Hotel. $10. All ages.
• DC Summer Extravaganza w/ Tittsworth, Nadastrom, Will Eastman, Bobby Jae & Ken Lazee, Dmerit. 9:30 club. $10. All ages.
• Canda, Bobbie Allen, Mila Levine, Michelle Murray, Treevibes, Lulu Fall, Vox Pop, Lux Operon, Peter S. Pinocci, Liberated Muse, Rob Wolcott. Artomatic. (For more info, see our Artomatic Manual)

Saturday

• 40th Annual Smoke-In: Human Rights (HR of the Bad Brains), See-I, Christos, Telesma, The Package, The Omsteaders, J.B. Bevereley and The Wayward Drifters, and DJ Bedroom. 23rd and Constitution Avenue NW. Free.
• National Symphony Orchestra: “A Capitol Fourth.” US Capitol, West Lawn. Free.
• DJ Regal, Fort Knox Five, All Good Funk Alliance. Black Cat. $10. All ages.
• Independence Day Noon:30 Release Party w/ The Laughing Man, Achtung Panda, Ghost Light, DJ Natty Boom. Velvet Lounge. $3-$8. +21.
• DJ Dk. Cafe Saint Ex.
• NoiseHouse, BLOODSHOT, HeeBeeGeeBees, Jeremy Steinhaus, Machines of Living Death, Anil Rock, Copper Rose & Bone, Julie O., Fat Roberta, Princess of Controversy, C.O.M.P., Mother Courage, The Very Small, Mambo Sauce, Zip The Uncanny, Vmasta & Cortez, Glasgow Tunnel, The FiF. Artomatic.

Sunday

• Blues Jam with the Idle Americans. Bangkok Blues. Call for price.
• Jay Reatard, TV Smith. Black Cat. $12. All ages.
• The Scare, Energy, Fallen From The Sky, Ante Up, Debaser. Velvet Lounge. $8. +18.
• St. Croix Virgin Islands Reggae Tour 2009 w/ Batch, Ras Attitude, Empress Ima, Jah Empress. IOTA Club & Cafe. $12. +21.
• Smithsonian Folklife Festival: Only Men Aloud! Kennedy Center Millennium Stage. Free.
• Triple Staccs, Mzery Loves Company, Mary Battiata & LITTLE PINK, RC Rex & the Progressionals, SAW Showcase, Seth Barna, House of Echo, Rob Wolcott, Dark Electric Showcase II, Sesshin No-Fi, Sarah Fridrich. Artomatic.

"A Capitol Fourth" 2007 photo by boboroshi, Creative Commons Attribution License.