HO HO WHO: She: doe-eyed manic pixie dream girl whose new Fox sitcom re-ushered "adorkable" into the cultural lexicon. Him: earnest singer-songwriter on Merge Records whose lo-fi ditties double as car-advertisement jingles. Together, they are She & Him, whose new album, A Very She & Him Christmas, is guaranteed to soundtrack every ugly Christmas sweater party of 2011.

PRO-PRO-NOUNS: A Very She & Him Christmas, now available at your local Starbucks (no, that's not a dig), is a carefully constructed collection of holiday favorites by "indie" rock's most competent pop fetishists. If anyone could pull off a straight-faced homage to the golden age of Bing Crosby and Perry Como, it would be them.  Also, a portion of the proceeds from the album will be donated to the very worthy 826 organization.

NO-NO-JOY: From the unbearably affected album cover (The pompadour is not a good look for you, M.) to its snoozy tracklist, A Very She & Him Christmas is a mirthless experiment in swaying to the oldies. On “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” Ms. Deschanel's husky, monotone delivery smothers an otherwise enjoyable standard. Check out She & Him's performance on the Ellen Degeneres show below for a wide-eyed, Stepford-like performance in which no one smiles for the first two minutes. Happy Holidays?

CHEER FACTOR: 3/10. The world already has one mournful Christmas album. Not sure we need another.

Morning, readers.

*Above: Witness one of the more awkward moments in the annals of Chevy Chase. Or of Paul Simon. Or, more generally, of Caucasian afropop.

*Seeking to resurrect its hip-hop cred, the Washington Post hosts a poll. The question: Which currently incarcerated rapper will produce the best post-slammer record? The ever-trenchant Sarah Godfrey picks Lil Wayne—both because, hey, it's Weezy, and because he's on Rikers. Which is like the Mount Helicon of rap, or some shit. (Malitz disagrees; votes for T.I.)

*THE DEPARTMENT OF LARRY DAVID JUST BEING LARRY DAVID? The Independent reports that the cantankerous mastermind behind Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm is talking smack about his old collaborator's new show. Is The Marriage Ref actually "pointless" and "painful"? (Probably, yes.) Is this merely an extension of David's Judeo-caustic shtick? (Yes. Yes it is.) Was anyone else disappointed by Jon Stewart's handling of Seinfeld last week?

*THE DEPARTMENT OF VAST SUMS OF MONEY ~ Alice in Wonderland tops $200 million in North America, becomes first 2010 release to do so. Reached in the Dorset dungeon where he winters, Tim Burton expressed pleasure at the news, but vowed that his Wizard of Oz rehash would "single-handedly jump start the global economy."

*THE DEPARTMENT OF SAW THIS ONE COMING ~ NPR Music is streaming the new She & Him.

*Tonight in City Lights: "Mexico 2010: A Vision of the 21st Century" at the IDB Cultural Center

*Pink Floyd takes action against its record label, EMI, over a dispute for online royalties. EMI should know by now: "How can you have your pudding if you don't eat any meat?"

*She & Him release their newest school-themed music video for "In the Sun," further proving my theory that M. Ward looks like Robert Downey, Jr.'s long-lost brother and Zooey Deschanel is impossibly adorable (but still kinda irritating.)

*Rock Band announces the release of a Lady Gaga pack to accompany the popular game. In an unusual twist, Eric Cartman of South Park fame will be doing his own cover of "Poker Face" for the game. "Lady Gaga Pack 01" also includes "Bad Romance," Just Dance," and "Monster." Bubble dress and spiked shoulder pads not included.

*New York Post reports that Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade for $100 million over an ad that features a baby named "Lindsay" accused of being a "milkaholic." Lohan's lawyer argues that the Mean Girls actress has the same kind of first-name recognition as stars like Oprah and Cher, and that the commercial parodies her life. Just goes to show: Once you start seeing yourself in the babies on E-Trade commercials, you're not far from the bottom.

*Tron Legacy releases another trailer for the sequel to the '80s masterpiece (now starring a freshly minted Oscar winner!) Daft Punk composed the score for the trailer.

*The producer who leaked information about David Letterman's affairs now admits to blackmailing the late night star. (Letterman likely lets out a sigh of relief as even an act like shtupping his interns is overshadowed by Jay Leno's recent general douchiness.)

*Quentin Tarantino is being sued by a man accusing him of ripping off his original idea for the Kill Bill storyline. Like all well-researched—and certainly not random—lawsuits, the man waited a full seven years after the film's release to go after Tarantino and Harvey Weinstein.

*Tonight in City Lights: Habib Koité at the Barns at Wolf Trap.

*The 2010 Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival line-up was announced yesterday over a painstakingly long unveiling process. Some of the artists for the four-day Tennessee-based festival include: Kings of Leon (the first band to go from a tent stage to a headliner), Dave Matthews Band, Phoenix, Jay-Z, Norah Jones, The xx, Stevie Wonder, Zac Brown Band, LCD Soundsystem, Jeff Beck, Weezer, She & Him, The Flaming Lips, Ingrid Michaelson, Kid Cudi, and D.C. native Wale.

*Lil Wayne's planned trip to jail for attempted gun possession yesterday was postponed because of dental surgery. I'm thinking the diamond-encrusted grills may have had something to do with it. He is now set to head to prison March 2.

*Country superstar Dolly Parton said she is considering having White Stripes' frontman Jack White produce her next album. It wouldn't be White's first foray into the old country music scene; he's worked with legends like Loretta Lynn and Wanda Jackson before.

*It's confirmed that Tom Cruise will star in and produce the fourth installment of the Mission: Impossible series. J.J. Abrams won't be directing again, but will likely stay on board as a producer with Cruise. (Also seeing its fourth movie installment? Free Willy: Escape from Pirate's Cove — yes, there was more than one — is getting ready for release in March. The newest film stars Bindi Irwin, Beau Bridges, and, naturally, a giant killer whale.)

*Ellen DeGeneres made her debut as a judge on American Idol last night. I am torn as to whether this is the best or worst thing she's ever done for her career. (I'm leaning towards the latter.)

*Former I Love New York 2 reality show contestant Jamal Rashead Trulove was convicted of murder. Guess it wasn't "trulove" after all.

*Tonight in City Lights: authors Joanna Smith Rakoff and Dylan Landis read from their respective debut novels, A Fortunate Age and Normal People Don't Live Like This at the Arts Club of Washington.

She & Him: "Please Please Let Me Get What I Want"
Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward, who perform together as She & Him, take a swipe at the most frequently covered of all Smiths songs for the soundtrack to Deschanel's new movie (500) Days of Summer. As those covers go, this is a pretty traditional rendering, with heaps of reverb and a gazillion overdubbed acoustic guitars. But Deschanel delivers the vocal with the requisite amount of melancholy and the cover holds its own just fine alongside The Deftones version.

Wu Tang Clan ft. Raekwon, Sean Price, and Cormega: "Radian Jewels"
It certainly sounds like Wu-Tang–synths strings, minimalist beats, Raekwon–but apparently "Radiant Jewels" and Chamber Music, the Rza produced record it comes from, is not a new Wu-Tang Clan record. Instead, according to a particularly confusing press release, it's just a record featuring new music made with participation from every member of the group and a live backing band that emulates the classic Wu-Tang sound. So maybe it's better than a "real" Wu-Tang record? Go figure.

Gareth Williams: "Anger of Fire"
Gareth Williams' role in This Heat, the experimental/post-punk band in which he performed during the early '80s, seemed somewhat subversive. While his band mates, drummer Charles Hayward and guitarist Charles Bullen, were traditionally skilled musicians, Williams approached things from a more naive and unschooled perspective. He mashed on a bizarrely tuned keyboard, played back tape collages, and fueled the group's more abstract and unpredictable moments. But "Anger of Fire," written years after Williams had departed from This Heat, is surprisingly tuneful. Built on two acoustic guitar chords and a reggae-inspired rhythm, it suggest that Williams, who passed away in '01, certainly had more in his head than noise.