*Vanity Fair reports on the more prevalent issue surrounding health care reform: How will the plots of movies be affected if there are no asshole insurance companies? Among the films that would have never been able to be made: As Good As It Gets, Domino, Erin Brockovich, Sicko, and the most recent release, Repo Men. I'm glad someone is finally looking into what matters.

*Kotaku announces that a new site called GameCrush (warning: NSFW) launches today, where members essentially pay women to play Xbox or Flash games with them via webcam. Players can choose whether or not they want their partner to be "Flirty" or "Dirty," but no word yet on whether not they can choose them to be "Alive" or "Interested."

*Gossip site OhNoTheyDidnt posts a compilation of "real rap bitches" dissing up and coming female rapper, Nicki Minaj. Rapper Rye Rye suggests she's heard it all before; MC Ms. Hustle imitates Nicki's signature "Barbie" style, claiming it's too easy; and lyricist Keys singlehandedly destroys Nicki's barbs that she's killed every other "rap bitch in the building" by freestyling to the beat of Nicki's own "Itty Bitty Piggy." My personal favorite lyric: "Then I said he's talking about his new own rap bitch/I told him 'hold tight, I just had to click that shit/Then I'm like 'What? My shit must got a virus'/This is not a rap bitch, this is Miley Cyrus." Boom, roasted. (Here's Nicki's original version for comparison.)

*DCist reports that local District musician We Were Pirates's (real name Mike Boggs) song "Settle Down" was used on a recent episode of The Real World D.C., and another tune of his will be used in the forthcoming season finale on March 31. This ups the tally of things that are genuinely D.C. about this season of The Real World to one.

*Time Warner, Lions Gate, and Access Industries compete to buy debt-ridden MGM.

*Gospel and blues singer Marva Wright dies at 62.

*Jerry Springer starts taping for his new show on the Game Show Network, Baggage, next week. No word on whether said baggage involves midget strippers and incestual marriages.

1. After the Ice: Life, Death, and Geopolitics in the New Arctic, by Alun Anderson
Well, well, well...some people at Thanksgiving dinner were really convinced—really, audibly, obnoxiously convinced—that Climategate proves this whole global warming thing is a vast conspiracy. After all, a few scientists' decisions to behave dishonorably and a statistical blip in a decades-long warming trend definitely show that Al Gore is a fucking idiot, and who really needed polar ice-caps or Sri Lanka anyway? If they can stop wolfing down huge amounts of cranberry sauce white meat, these skeptical Mouseketeers might want to check out Alun Anderson's book about how global warming is already changing our economy—that is, if their 2010 reading list isn't limited to Going Rogue.

2.The Making of a Stand-up Guy, by Charlie Murphy
Charlie Murphy's funny. His brother is, too...

3. Naked Lunch, by William S. Burroughs
I—honest, pure of heart, and lonely, but unafraid of humiliation or death—declare that: 1) Werner Herzog makes more bad movies than good movies; and 2) William S. Burroughs is a poor writer. Teenage boys—sweaty, horny, acned, Herzog-loving, Burroughs-worshipping males who attend laser light shows, listen to Pink Floyd, and who really, really like Lord of the Rings (the books, not the movies) and A Clockwork Orange (the movie, not the book)—around the world may object to my courageous declaration. Indeed, I admit that this 50th anniversary restoration of the original draft of Naked Lunch (the book, not the movie) might be sufficient cause for a Burroughs apologist to take heart. But I refuse to concede, under any circumstances, that Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is a good movie, except for falling asleep to.

4. Perez Hilton's True Bloggywood Stories: The Glamorous Life of Beating, Cheating, and Overdosing, by Perez Hilton
DON'T LOOK! There's a meaningless post-millennial phenomenon that, while kind of funny, somehow/someway became not just a forgettable meme like Y2K or Thundercats bloopers, but a concert tour and now a book. But that phenomenon might go away...that is, it might, like the Yahweh's angel of death, pass us by in the night, leaving us unharmed....but it is essential—absolutely non-negotiable—that, unlike Lot's wife, who was turned into a pillar of salt when she looked back on Sodom, we do not in any way acknowledge, legitimatize, or gaze upon the curious creature that is Perez Hilton by thinking, saying, or typing his name...ACK! Too late. He's already here, just like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

5. Miles to Go, by Miley Cyrus
You know, I've been really stressed out lately. You see, I've been through a lot of things in these past 32 years. I've seen and heard and tasted and touched a lot of things, and now I'd like to write a memoir about them. But, if I'm going to write a memoir, I'm going to need an agent. I mean, that's just how memoir-writing works. First, you go through something. Then, you get an agent. So, I've been through something, and now I need an agent, and a good agent is hard to find. But, that's not really what I'm stressed about.

You see, I know that, one day, I'll have a child, and that he or she will go through a lot, too, and want to write a memoir about all the things he or she has seen and heard and tasted and touched. But, not only that, I'll bet that my child's child—and my child's child's child—will also see and hear and taste and touch a lot of things, and that everyone will need to write their own memoirs about all of the things that they saw and heard and tasted and touched. So, what I'm saying is that all these Moyerses present and future are going to need a lot of agents, and some of those agents probably aren't even born yet, so how are we going to get them? It's stressful. Because you're never too young to write a memoir.

1. When Will the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Run Out Of Mainstream Acts to Induct?
2. Meet New Moon Cast Members at Fair Oaks Mall
3. Clip Job: Five Bands with at Least as Many Members as Songs
4. Photos: Miley Cyrus @ Verizon Center
5. Photos: Bruce Springsteen @ Verizon Center

The First Lady was at the Verizon Center last night, daughters and Secret Service in tow, to witness Miley Cyrus' first tour under her own name rather than the Hannah Montana brand. Many more photos after the jump (click on any photo for a larger version).

Note: these photos may not be republished elsewhere.

Metro Station, featuring Miley's half-brother Trace Cyrus, opened:

The bike under the tree: Automatic DQ for Aly and AJ's "Greatest Time of Year," which is in fact the greatest song on this compilation. But it's recycled (as is Miley Cyrus’ "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town"). So I'm gonna go for the Jonas Brothers’ "Joyful Kings," which intros with enough power to hammer all Christendom, a choice that only highlights the Brothers' puny voices.

The lump of coal: Demi Lovato's "Wonderful Christmas Time." The Paul McCartney chestnut is almost bulletproof, but Lovato sings it as if she were strapped to the bow of a war schooner, trying to overpower the sounds of cannons and crashing waves.

Cheer factor: 25 out of 10—blaring but polite electric guitars, pealing bells of joy on what feels like every freaking song, no suggestion that anyone besides the Plain White T's (and maybe Marié Digby) has developed secondary sexual characteristics. It's basically perfect.

LISTEN: Jonas Brothers’ "Joyful Kings"