THE LOWER EAST SIDE RETRO ROCKER: Actual sleigh bells notwithstanding, Casablancas could've played "I Wish It Was Christmas Today" for cheap laughs. Instead, his version is anthemic, full-throated New Wave bliss—it's Christmas with Casios, with every syllable meant wholeheartedly.

THE UPPER EAST SIDE RETRO ROCKER: In the original version, Fallon made awesome dinosaur sounds on his thrift-store keyboard; undoubtedly, Casablancas' take could use a few "RAWR!" noises. Also, this song cries—CRIES!—for visual accompaniment. Look, Sanz is clearly 50 times the performer Casablancas is—although can anyone make standing still look so good?—but seriously, Julian: Throw on the ratty Christmas sweater someone gave you in 1983, hand your bandmates some maracas or something, and COMMIT THIS SHIT TO VIDEO. Also, use lots the dino noises.

CHEER FACTOR: ∞/10. I WISH IT WAS CHRISTMAS TODAY-AYYYYYYYY.

LISTEN:

Julian Casablancas: "River of Brakelights"
Remember how the Strokes were going to save classic rock? That was a misinterpretation. On "River of Brakelights," the second song to leak from his forthcoming solo debut Phrazes for the Young, Strokes frontman Julian Casablancas reveals that he actually wanted to save classical rock. Powdered wigs and fugal pretensions aside, baroque counterpoint hasn't had such a solid chance of cracking the Top 10 since Falco walked the Earth.

Slava: "Dreaming Tiger"
The Chicago/Brooklyn-based production team honors the glory days of Brian Eno and David Byrne's creative union by pairing lush synths and house percussion with mantra-like vocal samples. "Dreaming Tiger" could have fit nicely on My Life in the Bush of Ghosts, and not just because the title sounds like it was lifted from postcolonial literature.

Big Boi featuring Gucci Mane: "Shine Blockas"
If Big Boi's endlessly delayed Sir Luscious Left Foot ever lands in stores, there won't be any surprises left (maybe a few skits?). But if it's any consolation to Def Jam, "Shine Blockas," the umpteenth awesome track to leak from the Outkast rapper's solo record, should garner multiplatinum YouTube views.

Shafiq: “Nirvana”
Shafiq Husayn, of hip-hop production team Sa-Ra Creative Partners, intones deep P-Funk thought-streams over a burbling stew of samples. Needless to say, it's trippy. "You want to know what deep is?" asks Husayn. "Well, let’s see how far the rabbit hole goes."

White Rainbow: “Tuesday Rollers and Strollers”
That's one upside to the internet: If Portland-based drone-rocker Adam Forkner, aka White Rainbow, had to rely on the radio to hype the 18-minute "Tuesday Rollers and Strollers," he'd probably be S.O.L. Even this considerably stripped down five-minute edit of the track might have intimidated DJs. But in the blogosphere, the choice is up to you. It only takes one click of the mouse to unleash Forkner's skull-unfolding sound collage.

Thom Yorke: "Feeling Pulled Apart By Horses"
Wild Horses couldn't drag the Rolling Stones away. Bono just wanted to know who was going to ride them. Thom Yorke, appropriately enough, tilts the classic equestrian rock-cliché toward paranoia and dread. "Feeling Pulled Apart By Horses," from Yorke's just-released solo 12", finds him wholly disinterested in arena rock uplift. Instead, he summons his inner Damo Suzuki, moaning abstract lyrics over a hypnotic patchwork of diced-up drum samples.