The genius of the Muppets has always been the show’s ability to cut its gee-whizness with winking self-deprecation and a hint of cynicism. The somewhat insufferable Kermit the Frog has his rainbow-connectedness karate-chopped by an always-insufferable but realist Miss Piggy. Fozzie Bear and his terrible jokes are heckled by cranky balcony-dwellers Statler and Waldorf. And in the new film The Muppets, chickens sing — to Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You.”

Resuscitated by lifelong fan Jason Segel, who co-wrote and stars in the film, the Muppets are back to win over a new generation of fans. No, they won’t get the jokes about Benson or Tab, and they probably won’t recognize Mickey Rooney or Dave Grohl (the latter winning Coolest Cameo Ever). In fact, much of the script’s dry humor will go over little ones’ heads, such as Amy Adams playing an elementary-school teacher who heads an auto-mechanics class (“And that’s how you fix a 12-volt starter!”) or when her character, Mary, says when the inevitable conflict is introduced, “This is going to be a really short movie.”

And Los Angeles, where Segel’s big-kid Gary, his girlfriend, Mary, and his Muppet brother, Walter, go for vacation? It’s not quite Tinseltown but a city alight with police sirens. There’s even a barbershop-quartet performance of “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” (Hard to imagine Courtney Love giving the go-ahead, but it must have happened.)

There’s gotta be a good-versus-evil angle, of course, and in this case it’s saving the dilapidated Muppet Studios from an oil baron (Chris Cooper) who says he’s going to turn the place into a museum but really plans to drill, baby, drill. (As the character, who embarrassingly raps in one of the film’s more misguided numbers, would say, “Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.”) So the Muppets, now spread all over the world pursuing different careers, must regroup to put on a last-ditch telethon show. (Kermit and Gary et al. gather a couple of the crew before Kermit’s helper robot says, “May I suggest we save time and pick up the rest of the Muppets using a montage?”)

Though there are multiple setbacks, the show eventually comes together, and when the Muppet theme song is finally played — well, members of a certain generation may feel a little tingle if not a happy tear. It’s no spoiler to say the telethon is a triumph, as is the movie itself: Segel’s pitch-perfect in his gee-whiz performance (though Adams is underused), he’s written the Muppets true to their characters, and every sentimentality is counterbalanced with a hit of dry wit. Even Statler and Waldorf would approve.

Oh, Johnny!

Morning all. Let's get to it, shall we?

Twitter sure does make for strange bedfellows, doesn't? Especially in the McCain family. First it was John McCain and Snooki sharing tweet love, and now it's Meghan McCain and Courtney Love. After Meghan tweeted about watching Love on VH1's "Behind the Music" and about listening to Hole as a teen, Love tweeted back, "I love her @McCainBlogette rocks! xoxoxo." I don't know what's more disturbing, thinking about Courtney Love voting Republican or knowing that Meghan and I share musical tastes.

WaPo analyzes Wonder Woman's new costume. She's got a bodice that evokes the lines of Spiderman, leggings that seamlessly become boots, and a cropped motorcycle jacket that I would totally wear. And, just in time for Fourth of July, she's ditched the patriotic stars.

You know what time it is. That's right, it's Top Chef time! Another week, another hot guest judge: Rock and roll pastry chef  showed up for the quickfire challenge, in which the cheftestants were charged with making a pie. My boy Kenny, feeling inspired after receiving words of encouragement from his girlfriend, took the top spot for his Bananas Foster pie. Yum.

The cheftestants then learned that they'd be cooking for Congressional interns at a picnic at George Washington's Mount Vernon Estate. Upon hearing this news, Albert speculated that a lot of his competitors would be grilling. "I'm not a grill guy," he said. "It'll clog the pores way too fast." Yes, this is the same guy who hired a wardrobe stylist before coming on the show.

While I was a little bummed Iuzzini wasn't back to judge the elimination challenge, I could handle it because we got Jonathan Waxman instead. Amanda excelled with her ribs–in a rare show of graciousness, after sampling them Angelo said, "I think it's even better than mine, to be honest with you." He was still in the top four with his "magazine cover" lettuce wraps, as was Ed with his Middle Eastern tuna. Arnold, despite feeling lukewarm about the challenge initially, took home top prize with his lamb skewers. Tracey, the show's comic relief, went home for her erratically seasoned Italian burger, which was deemed amateurish by the judges.

In other Top Chef news, former cheftestant Spike Mendelsohn (who will make an appearance on next week's episode) is finally set this month to open his pizzeria We, the Pizza, next door to his Capitol Hill burger joint Good Stuff Eatery. He'll be serving up New York pizza, which should be a nice change from the ubiquitous Neopolitan pizza in D.C.

Photo: newyork.grubstreet.com

*The 30th annual Brit Awards aired last night, garnering awards for Oasis, Jay-Z, Robbie Williams, Florence and the Machine, and Lily Allen. The night's biggest winner was American favorite Lady Gaga who scooped up all three awards she was nominated for: Best International Newcomer, Best International Female, and Best International Album. Oasis band member Liam Gallagher was a tad less thankful; after winning his Brit Award, he threw it into the crowd from the stage.

*Don't miss Esquire's fascinating and heartbreaking feature article on Roger Ebert. It's a moving piece that delves into his ongoing struggle with cancer and love affair with film.

*Chanel announces that Martin Scorsese has directed the commercial for its new men's cologne. The commercial, starring actor Gaspard Ulliel, is set to air in September. One can only hope that the ad will also incorporate Marty's three favorite things: blood, De Niro, and DiCaprio.

*Jay Leno's bandleader of 18 years, Kevin Eubanks, will soon be leaving. Eubanks will accompany Leno through his first few episodes back on The Tonight Show but will leave soon after, much like Leno's viewing audience.

*Trainwreck Courtney Love will finally be releasing Hole's (sans all the original band members) newest (and-five-years-in-the-waiting) record, Nobody's Daughter, on April 27.

*Tonight in City Lights: "Adam de Boer: Memory Meets Imagination Halfway" exhibit at District of Columbia Arts Center.

Some outlets are having none of it.

"Can rock 'n' roll exist with a sober Keith Richards?" asks the Guardian.

"Is Hell freezing over?" asks Hot Momma Gossip.

"Can I touch it?" asks Courtney Love.

In the wake of Richards' straighten-up-and-fly-right move, other superstars are jumping on the abstinence bandwagon. Below the jump, some of the more unlikely examples.

• Chris Martin gives up falsetto.
• Bono gives up acting like Jesus.
• John Mayer gives up ridiculous fucking statements, his blog.
• Ben Harper gives up gaucho hats.
• David Byrne gives up Eno, elves.
• Levon Helm gives up hating Robbie Robertson.
• Snoop Dogg gives up grass. No, like, for real this time.
• Buena Vista Social Club gives up Starbucks cachet.
  
• Lou Reed gives up sunglasses, art-cool snarl.
• Animal Collective gives up pedals.
• Robert Smith gives up eyeliner, stance against washing hair.
• M.I.A., Lily Allen give up announcing the end of their careers.

"Trying to show a link between rock stars and drugs is like trying to make a link between mouths and tooth decay," writes R.U. Sirius—the nom de fume of 10 Zen Monkeys' Ken Goffman. This is but one of the many mangy comparisons that frontload Everybody Must Get Stoned: Rock Stars on Drugs*, and when you skim the book's list-heavy 200+ pages, tooth decay starts to sound like an attractive alternative. OK, maybe that's not entirely fair—there's some funny writing amid the run-on analogies, and a few of the anecdotes are worth their weight in angel dust. Hell, it'd probably make a nice coffee table book, if you're David Crosby.

To save you the buyer's remorse, here are our favorite factoids, trivia, apocrypha, or whatever:

• Pro-bullet goblin/chemical puritan Ted Nugent claims that his strategy for avoiding Vietnam service involved shooting meth and relieving himself in his pants. "[At the] army physical, Nugent was so sick that he passed out during his blood test.... And when it came time to give them some excrement, he got it all over his hands and arm." The most interesting part here is that the army requested a stool sample.
• Courtney Love on motherhood: "If there ever was a time when people should do drugs, it's when they're pregnant. Because it sucks." Ugh.
• Robert Hunter, in his 1984 "10 Commandments of Rock & Roll": "Destroy yourself physically and mentally and insist that all true brothers do likewise as an expression of unity."
• Some story about Grace Slick bringing Abbie Hoffman as a date to Nixon's White House with, like, many micrograms of LSD hidden under her fingernail (that's where they lose me, honestly) in the hopes of spiking Nixon's sweet tea. Mission Not Accomplished.
• John Lennon wrote "Come Together" for Timothy Leary's unsuccessful run against Ronald Reagan in California's 1968 gubernatorial race.
• Steely Dan took its name from a dildo in William Burroughs' Naked Lunch.

And that's about it. Save your $12.95 ($15.45 in Canada!) and spend it on one of the small baggies from your guy across the street.

*The worst example, as Mike Riggs has rightly observed, comes two paragraphs to the south: "And so, like the proverbial girl with her finger in the dike while ripped to the tits on X, Vitamin K, and a couple of Vicodin while trying to play guitar during a guest appearance on Ellen, I have attempted to take a vast ocean of rock-and-roll drug data and reduce it down to a book form that you can be amused, upset, offended, and/or informed by."

Courtney Love should already be on The Surreal Life by now. That's the great tragedy. This is just farce: Apparently, Courtney Love's new album will be "sponsored" by a tequila company and a tampon maker. The Guardian UK writes:

When [the album] does finally land, the album, Nobody's Daughter, will be Courtney Love's first release since 2004. "She will not make you wait another year or five," her administrator emphasised. "The artwork is pretty much done [and] Courtney has 30 million dollars in sponsorships from a prominent feminine hygiene/menstrual company and a prominent tequila company."

Love has yet to confirm how these sponsorships will manifest – a free bottle and tampon with every CD? – or whether the album will be a free download. In a blogpost this weekend, she hardly touched on the album at all – ranting instead about people who pretend to be her late husband, Kurt Cobain.

Love needs to just quit. Really.