• "4:56: A member of Osteen’s staff apologizes profusely but tells me that because of the delay, we’re going to have to push my time with Osteen back to a few minutes at tonight’s book signing. He is gravely upset about this. 'Time is more valuable than money,' he says. 'And it seems we’ve wasted yours.'
• "7:15: A baffled shopper surveys the crowd while talking on her cell phone. 'Yeah,' she says into the phone. 'Some guy. Olsteen?'"

WaPo vs. Coldplay: Those weepy bastards have a new album out, so why not recap the long history of insults and barbs thrown at Coldplay over the years, David Malitz writes on Click Track. Some are a bit dated but still applicable, namely Jon Pareles' 2005 "Case Against Coldplay" in The New York Times and a particularly trenchant WaPo concert review by J. Freedom DuLac, but some are fresh like New Yorker pop critic Sasha Frere-Jones saying of lead crybaby Chris Martin that "nobody in popular music is more annoying to watch."

I'd Prefer a Savory Snack: This Saturday, buy a cupcake from Sprinkles Cupcakes in Georgetown and make a donation to Americans for the Arts, Pink Line Project hypes. It's a worthy cause, though it doesn't satisfy our gustatory preferences as much as, say, moombahton and bacon.

Yesterday on Arts Desk: Psychotronic lives! Edie Sedgwick in Slovakia. Afro-Blue forges ahead on The Sing-Off. How to turn your Washington career into Hollywood magic

Yusuf a.k.a. Yusuf Islam a.k.a Cat Stevens is reportedly giving serious thought to suing Coldplay over "Viva la Vida," the title track off its latest album, due to alleged melodic similarities with Stevens's 1973 song "Foreigner Suite."

The folk bard-turned-Muslim philanthropist, who has won a series of distinctions in the past decade, including the World Social Award and the Man of Peace Award, now appears to be making a bid for the Most Litigious Ex-Hippie Award. You may recall the episode in 2003 when he harshed the Flaming Lips' mellow by suing them over their hit single "Fight Test," which played a little like a robot-themed reprise of Stevens's 1970 tune "Father and Son." Settling out of court, the Lips agreed to pay Yusuf royalties.

The similarities between those songs were undeniable: It wasn't just a uniform chord progression, it was a nearly identical melody; and neither of these elements change throughout the course of either song, the songs were essentially the same–which is probably why the Flaming Lips, much like the protagonist of their song, capitulated without a fight.

By comparison, this new claim seems a bit thin. There are distinct similarities between the backside melody of "Foreigner Suite" and a portion of the one the cycles consistently through "Viva la Vida." But unlike "Fight Test" and "Father and Son," these songs overlap only at specific and proportionally small segments. "Foreigner Suite" is a suite, after all; the majority of the song sounds nothing like "Viva la Vida." And while Coldplay frontman Chris Martin imitates Stevens's notes (and to a much lesser extent, his phrasing) at the beginning and end of a crucial hook, he builds a unique arc in the considerable space between.

So what exactly is Yusuf doing? Attempting to bogart musical strains, especially on such flimsy pretenses, seems a decidedly un-groovy tack for a man who has made a living of decrying material preoccupations. But then, the man has a history of litigiousness: He has twice sought legal recourse against newspapers for disputed claims about the nature of his religious zealotry–worthwhile measures, perhaps, but one wonders whether he developed too fond a taste for it.

Similarities notwithstanding, I would hope Yusuf might find peace in in the knowledge that "Foreigner Suite" is a much, much better song than "Viva la Vida." Anyway, you can judge for yourselves.

Excerpt from "Foreigner Suite":

And "Viva la Vida":

According to the BBC, Coldplay has denied in a federal court that "Viva La Vida" was inspired by or originated from Joe Satriani's "If I Could Fly" off the 2004 album Is There Love In Space? (For the last time, Joe, no: astronauts can't love.) Satriani makes a decent living off the instrumental rock circuit and the G3 concert series,  and, incidentally, hasn't written an original melody since he penned the Top Gun theme song. (How bitter he must have been when listeners misattributed the brilliant "Cliffs of Dover" to him instead of maestro Eric Johnson!) So why did he go after Coldplay last December?

One can surmise from his lawyer's statements to the BBC that Satch was looking for a handout (emphasis mine):

In court papers filed in Los Angeles, Coldplay also claim Mr Satriani's song "lacks originality" and should not receive copyright protection.

The guitarist's lawyer, Howard E King, said Coldplay's response was typical for copyright infringement cases and he reiterated that he thought the matter could have been resolved without legal action.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like Satch hoped Coldplay would pay him to shut up and go away.

Click through to hear a YouTube video of "If I Could Fly." The melody in questions starts at 52 seconds.

I'm pretty much happy to ignore this year's Grammys completely: Kokayi didn't win, Stevie Wonder suffered the indignity of sharing a stage with the Jonas Brothers, and I won't even get started on the bizarre Chris Brown/Rihanna incident that took place the night before the ceremony.

But there's one moment of Sunday's telecast that I just can't get out of my head.

While accepting one of the skrillion Grammys that Coldplay nabbed, Chris Martin said, "We're not, of course, the heaviest of rock bands, you may have noticed. We're kind of the limestone of rock bands. Not as hard, but still charming."

Gotta love the Brits and their self-deprecating "humour," but c'mon-limestone isn't exactly granite or anything, but isn't it used in the construction of buildings? If Martin is going to try to be all cute and self-effacing, he should go all out: if he wants to compare his band to a soft rock, he should really reference the softest rock known to man.

But what rock would that be?

Because my science schoolin' ended in the 10th grade, I turned to the Reston-based U.S. Geological Survey, our country's foremost authority on minerals and rocks, and asked for help.

I initially thought Coldplay should be compared to talc, not only because talc is extremely soft, but because I like the idea of comparing the band to one of the essential ingredients in baby powder. But it turns out that talc is a mineral, not a rock, according to Kate Johnson, program coordinator of the USGS Mineral Resources Program.

Johnson graciously indulged my geology-related music question and sent me a very helpful e-mail pointing me to a table (taken from a resource titled Principles of Engineering Geology) that lists the relative hardness of rocks.

According to that table, limestone is indeed one of the softest rocks around, second only to shale.

"[Y]ou can see that although limestone isn't very hard, shale is even less hard," Johnson wrote. "So, from this we can learn that although limestone is categorized as a soft rock, shale is an even softer rock."

"Summary: the softest mineral is talc; shale is a very soft rock. But limestone is definitely a soft rock, too. Good call by Mr. Martin, I'd say," she concluded.

So, as it turns out, Chris Martin knows a thing or two about rock–well, sedimentary rock, at least.

I've suspected this Stone of rolling downhill for a couple years now (when Beck's "Modern Guilt" engenders the same critical acclaim as the Jonas Brothers' "A Little Bit Longer," one questions Jann Wenner's editorial prowess). But the magazine's ranking of the top 50 albums of the past year was the nail in my subscription's coffin; 2008 seems to have forced Rolling Stone's critical condition into just that.

Number one is TV on the Radio's "Dear Science," a solid, if predictable, choice. Having no real gripes with that one, I turn the page to find Dylan's dusty bootlegs "Tell Tale Signs" stealing Lil Wayne's #2 position. Neither new nor revelatory (nor objectively musically "good," if such a thing exists), the Dylan album seems out of place on this list. What's more, British divas Coldplay clock in at #7, while refreshing and revered eponymous debut of Ivy-punk/Afro-pop darlings Vampire Weekend rounds out the top ten.

These are but minor and (by now) expected disappointments from Rolling Stone. And for the most part, I can live with the flaws and false praise until I get to numbers 39 (Taylor Swift, "Fearless"), 40 (Jonas Brothers, "A Little Bit Longer"), and 41 (AC/DC, "Black Ice"). Teen queens Swift and the Jonas Brothers not only beat out time-addled Aussies AC/DC, but the trinity takes precedence over David Byrne and Brian Eno's collaboration "Everything That Happens Will Happen Today." Eclectic, fresh and always creatively relevant, Byrne and Eno's work is everything that trinity is not – heck, everything Dylan's bootlegs, at #2, are not (there's a reason Dylan is just now releasing those cataloged cash cows).

So that I may let my frustration with Rolling Stone's list rest in peace, I've rearranged their top 10 of their 50 "Best" Albums of 2008:

1. Vampire Weekend, "Vampire Weekend"

2. Lil Wayne, "Tha Carter III"

3. Beck, "Modern Guilt"

4. David Byrne & Brian Eno, "Everything That Happens Will Happen Today

5. TV on the Radio, "Dear Science"

7. No Age, "Nouns"

8. Fleet Foxes, "Fleet Foxes"

9. The Magnetic Fields, "Distortion"

10. Girl Talk, "Feed the Animals"

Below: this year's top-sellers at Melody Records. Glad to see Gnarls on there; chagrined to see Coldplay; not surprised to see either; curious whether any other stores were able to move the Hancock album like this.

1. Madonna, Hard Candy
2. Coldplay, Viva la Vida
3. Erykah Badu, New Amerykah Part One
4. Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend
5. Portishead, Third
6. Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Hudson
7. Amy Winehouse, Back to Black
8. R.E.M., Accelerate
9. Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes
10. Gnarls Barkley, The Odd Couple
11. Sigur Ros, Med sud i eyrum vid spilum endalaust
12. The Raconteurs, Consolers of the Lonely
13. TV on the Radio: Dear Science
14. Herbie Hancock, River: The Joni Letters
15. Duffy, Rockferry