We at Arts Desk have mentioned before that the DMV’s own Wale is maybe probably kind of dating Beyonce’s little sister Solange. Now, the gossip site Mediatakeout.com, (say what you want about ‘em, but they very often get these things right) is reporting that Solange and Wale are house-hunting in Brooklyn. Or at least that Solange is house-hunting and Wale is tagging along. Or he’s been spotted in the general area of her house hunt or something. Whatever—the couple has been seen together in Brooklyn and apparently some kind of real estate is involved, and it sounds like things between them are getting serious.

This is a very troubling turn of events.

Solange is a nice enough woman, and we’re sure Wale would feel at home in Brooklyn, a borough awash in tight jeans and nerd raps. But as he gets closer to Solange, it’s almost inevitable that he’ll become chummy with Jay-Z and, as many young rappers on the cusp of stardom know, that is not the move.

So, Wale, if you’re reading this, here are a few reasons why you should stay far, far away from one Shawn Carter. (Hanging out with Bun B is still perfectly acceptable, though).

• You don’t want to become the next Memph Bleek

Yes, your album Attention Deficit is finally coming out on Nov. 10 and everyone is very excited about it! Right now. But we were also excited about Memphis Bleek’s debut album Coming of Age. For some reason, being associated with Jay-Z is deadly for up-and-coming rappers.  So much as brush up against Jay at a club and you can kiss your rap aspirations goodbye.  And it’s even worse if Jay actually decides to have a hand in your career development. Remember Diamonds in Da Rough? Peedi Peedi? Amil? Yeah, neither do we.

• He will outshine you

You could go from D.C.’s  “hip-hop break-out star” to “brother-in-law of Jay-Z and Beyonce” in the blink of an eye, and no one wants that to happen. No matter how dope you are or how great your debut album turns out to be (fingers-crossed), Jay-Z’s star power will extinguish yours. If you befriend him, you are totally on your way to being listed as an “unidentified friend of Jay-Z” in some candid picture in Us Weekly.

• If you mess over Solange, you could be the next victim on that Summer Jam stage

Jay-Z is known for calling people out during Hot 97’s annual Summer Jam concert, and if you don’t treat his wife’s sister right, I imagine he’d make it his business to similarly humiliate you. If there are any unflattering pictures from your past, hide them NOW.

• He’s going to make you an outlet for his umlaut fetish

Jay-Z loves a good piece of unnecessary punctuation—see the umlauts over the “y” in his name on the cover of the CD single for “Dead Presidents.” Wale, you have managed to teach an entire nation—an entire planet!—of hip-hop lovers to pronounce your name without resorting to so much as an accent, but there’s a chance Jay-Z could convince you to use one. Don’t do it.

Tonight DC-based record label Sockets, who released the CD, titled Da’ Brats From Da’ Ville, will be celebrate the record with a dance/listening party at Red Lounge. The ladies themselves probably aren’t going to be in attendance, give that it’s a school night. But DJs from Fatback will be around to blast the Fly Girlz’s music along with some other fine tunes.

Fly Girlz Listening Party @ Red Lounge
2013 14th st.
9 pm.

It has been more than two and a half years since Sufjan Stevens released a studio album, nearly three years since he released an album of non-Christmas songs, and almost four years since he released an album that wasn’t just a compilation (albeit a compelling one) of outtakes from his previous album. The man who once pledged to write a concept album for each of the 50 U.S. states is fast becoming the prolific musician who wasn’t–and the natives are getting restless.

Normally, when a beloved artist fails to release a much-anticipated album, it leaves his votaries in the tricky situation of being swollen with frustration but, wary of biting the hand that feeds, unable to unload it on anyone. Enter Alec Duffy, a self-content theatre director from Brooklyn, winner of last winter’s Sufjan song-swap–a contest wherein Sufjan pledged to send a copy of an unreleased single to the fan who presented him with the best original song. Mr. Duffy composed a wholesome holididdy called “It’s Christmas Every Day,” and won.

On receiving his coveted prize, Mr. Duffy declined to put the song, reportedly titled “The Lonely Man of Winter,” on the Web as feverishly anticipated. Rather, he issued this coy promulgation (as quoted by The 405):

In an effort to counter the cheapening effects of Internet all-availability, and to recapture an era when to get one’s hands on a particular album or song was a real experience, we at my theater company, Hoi Polloi, would like to share this song with Sufjan fans in a special way. We would like to invite you to our Brooklyn home for an exclusive listening session of this gorgeous song, with hot beverages and cookies provided for your enjoyment. We’ll share some conversation, slip some headphones on you, and press play. Please email for more information about finding a time to come over for a special listening session.

Ouch.

Whether Mr. Duffy assumed that anyone who could appreciate Sufjan’s artful chamber-folk orchestrations must necessarily live in Brooklyn or simply did not give a damn about the legions of unwashed urchins who didn’t, this was not widely received in the quaint spirit with which it was proposed. Needless to say, the spurned masses have found in Mr. Duffy an outlet for their Sufjan-withdrawal angst–and an opportunity to nudge the term “douchebaggery” closer to formal nounhood.

For a more detailed version of this story, check out Eric Molinsky’s piece for Studio 360.

Sufjan, by the way, has been in the studio–just not for himself. He just got done producing the debut album of The Welcome Wagon, a Brooklyn-area reverend and his wife, and has been backing them up on banjo.