SVETOSLAV ILCHIV AND UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN

Washington City Paper: What's your name?
Svetoslav Ilchiv: Svetoslav Ilchiv.

How old are you?
26.

Have you heard of Marion Barry, the former mayor of Washington, D.C.?
Never. Is it a man or a woman?

He is very much a man.
I do not know him.

Well, ok. [Here, your correspondent explains Mr. Barry's repeated run-ins with the law—his drug arrest, fall from grace, redemption campaign, etc.] So, what do you think of that?
I think he's corrupted.

But do you think he's good or bad?
Does he do a good job? [Your correspondent, contemplating Mr. Barry's strange legacy—civil rights leader, tax evader, Ward 8 icon, womanizer—does not know the answer to the question, and so does not reply.] Possibly it's bad...Is he a rehabilitated? If he is, that's kind of good. When you put it that way.

What do you think about when you think of Washington?
A big city. International. Cosmopolitan. Dirty, probably.

When I say "Washington, D.C.," what is the image in your mind?
The Pentagon. The White House. The great monument to the President on the $5 bill.

Lincoln? You know about Lincoln?
A little bit. He did the Civil War. He's from the North. He won the war. He ended slavery.

Do you think that's good or bad?
It was about time.

ALSO OF INTEREST IN PLOVDIV, BULGARIA...

I quote from Lonely Planet Eastern Europe, 10th edition (Sept. 2009), Mara Vorhees, ed., p. 164:

"Another new cult character popular these days is the bearded 'Stefchu Avtografa,' who is trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for most autographs. Don't be surprised if he finds you. To quote one local: 'He's not exactly normal, but we love him.'"

N.B.: Mr. Avtografa did indeed find your correspondent and now has his autograph.

Washington City Paper: Are you aware that citizens of Washington, D.C., have no vote in Congress?

British Expat: What? Why don't they?

[Though his familiarity with British politics is limited to the lyrics of the Beatles' "A Day in the Life," your correspondent attempts to explain the D.C. voting rights debate to an Englishman using tenuous analogies in re: "Parliament" and the "House of Lords."]

BEP: Right. So they don't want people voting twice. Like, since you control the city, you don't get to vote again [nationally].

Well, yes...but that means that normal people—normal people like me, a lowly journalist who has no control over Congress or legislative power—can't vote. So it's not fair.

Greek #1: So you can't vote.

BEP: I find it a relief.

G#1: It's completely against the principles of democracy. All should have the right to vote. Since you live in the house of the wolf —

"In the house of the wolf?"

G#1: Another way to say is...if you live in a bucket of shit. If you live in a bucket of shit, you can't tell what's shit. [Since Washingtonians live in a bucket of shit, this charming colloquialism would seem to imply that Washingtonians should not have voting rights, contradicting G#1's initial strong pro-vote stance. Your correspondent allows the contradiction to pass unremarked-upon.]

BEP: But whoever you vote for, the government wins...so it would seem that politics isn't on your mind. Because you've got no power.

G#1: But they can't say "I want this asshole more than that asshole."

BEP: Why are you asking us what we think about it? What do you think about it?

[Your correspondent and his traveling companion, both Washingtonians, confer.]

Traveling Companion: I guess it never really bothered me.

Well...I mean...[Your correspondent contemplates the electoral college and the Founding Fathers' attempt to build a federal city not aligned with the interests of any particular state.] I mean...I guess I understand it too. Why should D.C. – a district, not a state – have a vote? [Your correspondent, a member of the DC Statehood Green Party who has attended pro-statehood events and played pro-statehood benefit shows, realizes that he really doesn't care about D.C. statehood and has a crisis of faith. End of interview.]

Vortex with author's traveling companion

Washington City Paper: What's your name?
Luca Vortex: Luca Vortex.

That's not your real name. That's a punk name.
That is how everybody knows me.

How old are you?
33.

Are you familiar with go-go music?

Go-go like a dancer?
[Your correspondent and his traveling companion, both Washingtonians, attempt to explain go-go music to LV. Chuck Brown, Rare Essence, and the Junkyard Band are mentioned. Your correspondent asks his companion to remind him what the Junkyard Band's biggest hit is. His companion reminds him: "Sardines." They sing "Sardines" for LV.]
Is the Junkyard Band something with Nick Cave?

No...it's like...it's hard to explain...it's native to Washington...and African-American...these guys cover popular R&B hits, but with a different beat...
They revisit the songs?

Yes, they revisit them...funkily...
That sounds good. I do not know it. I want to know it.

What do you think about when you think about Washington?
The flag.

What do you envision when you think about the city?
I think about something big...something mysterious.

Mysterious?
Like there are big buildings. And mysterious things hidden inside them.

I guess Washington is mysterious.
Does Lincoln have something to do with Washington?

Yes. [Your correspondent and his traveling companion explain the Lincoln Memorial.]
OK....Is the goal of this article to bring more Europeans to Washington?

No.

[Author's note: After the conclusion of this interview, your correspondent's traveling companion deemed Luca Vortex "cute."]

FSW AND UNIDENTIFIED FRIEND

Washington City Paper: What's your name?
Francesco [surname withheld]: Francesco [surname withheld].

How old are you?
28.

You are a young man.
I was an even younger man some years ago.

What are your thoughts about Washington, D.C.?
I have never been to Washington, D.C....but I want to live in the USA. I was living in London for 1.5 years.

Do you like hot dogs?
I love hot dogs. In London, I eat a hot dog once a week. And a Guinness.

Would you like a half-smoke?

What is it?
[Your correspondent, with the help of a American traveling companion, explains the nature and origins of half-smokes. Your correspondent's traveling companion wonders whether either she or your correspondent, both Washingtonians, really know what a half-smoke is.]

I don't know. I have to see it to know if I eat it.

But does it sound appealing?
The question is stupid...If I say "Yes," I'm gonna be a liar. It's like if I ask you, "What do you think about Naples?" but you've never been to Naples. What are you gonna say? The mafia? [Author's note: your correspondent has been to Naples, and he does associate it with the mafia.]

What do you think about when you think about Washington, D.C.?
A big city. Like New York, Washington, D.C., and Las Vegas. I want to live in Las Vegas. I am a bartender. Las Vegas is the house of bartenders.