Arts Desk

The Sleigher: TeraBrite, “Epic Christmas”

HO HO WHO: Two kids from Florida who might be the manifest destiny of the Disney-fication of America. D.J. Monopoli is the guy. Sabrina Abu-Obeid is the girl. Together they are TeraBrite. They desperately want to entertain you. If emo isn't already dead, they're going to smother it in hugs. That's right, emo's last breath will be a squishy, muted sigh. It's so perfect, you guys.

HEDGING THEIR BETS: Just in case you think "Epic Christmas" kinda sucks—and you probably do, unless you're a really sheltered 8-year-old girl—they perform 25 seconds of "Jingle Bells" in the middle, so you can hate that instead. A commenter on YouTube was all like, "you guys basically stole the whole "jingle bells" song ... you can be sued" but then TeraBrite was all like, "Jingle Bells as well as all of the classic Christmas song melodies played in the solo at the end are all in the public domain." And then I was like, "Oh my gosh, you guys, TeraBrite is totally well-versed in copyright law."

SELLOUT SUCKAS: TeraBrite seems to exist only on YouTube, and its business plan seems to be, "Let's enter every song contest, ever." So they've made songs for Kia and Doritos and Conan O'Brien and lots of other stuff. They won the Conan contest with this. So let's take this ethos to its logical extreme: Let's say "Epic Christmas" is a commercial for Christmas. This is what you'd think about Christmas after seeing it: Christmas is kind of like prom, except your house gets dressed up in tacky stuff, not your body. There are craft projects in case people don't like to dance. And then there's a weird kiss at the end.

I dunno, you guys, Christmas looks like it kinda sucks.

CHEER FACTOR: 5/10. We're gonna hedge our own bets and give them 5 points just in case there's something totally meta about all of this.

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  • Kyosaur

    It seems you're just hating to hate. Lucky for you there are a couple prescriptions available to help you! "GoGetLaid", and "GrowTheFuckUp" are probably your best bet as they have very limited side affects; other than possible STD's and loss of innocence.

  • Taylor

    Omg this is hilarious.

    I like TeraBrite, but some things in here are so true it isn't funny.

  • Mandi Marie

    I like how he does some research, and then acts like he knows everything about them.
    You should really try listening to the music outside of YouTube. Get their shit, it's not bad.

  • DJ Monopoli

    Hahah this seriously cracks me up!

  • Joe Warminsky

    I'll be honest with you: The song has been stuck in my head since I wrote this.