Arts Desk

Wale: Please Stay Away From Jay-Z

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We at Arts Desk have mentioned before that the DMV's own Wale is maybe probably kind of dating Beyonce's little sister Solange. Now, the gossip site Mediatakeout.com, (say what you want about 'em, but they very often get these things right) is reporting that Solange and Wale are house-hunting in Brooklyn. Or at least that Solange is house-hunting and Wale is tagging along. Or he's been spotted in the general area of her house hunt or something. Whatever—the couple has been seen together in Brooklyn and apparently some kind of real estate is involved, and it sounds like things between them are getting serious.

This is a very troubling turn of events.

Solange is a nice enough woman, and we're sure Wale would feel at home in Brooklyn, a borough awash in tight jeans and nerd raps. But as he gets closer to Solange, it's almost inevitable that he'll become chummy with Jay-Z and, as many young rappers on the cusp of stardom know, that is not the move.

So, Wale, if you're reading this, here are a few reasons why you should stay far, far away from one Shawn Carter. (Hanging out with Bun B is still perfectly acceptable, though).

You don't want to become the next Memph Bleek

Yes, your album Attention Deficit is finally coming out on Nov. 10 and everyone is very excited about it! Right now. But we were also excited about Memphis Bleek's debut album Coming of Age. For some reason, being associated with Jay-Z is deadly for up-and-coming rappers.  So much as brush up against Jay at a club and you can kiss your rap aspirations goodbye.  And it's even worse if Jay actually decides to have a hand in your career development. Remember Diamonds in Da Rough? Peedi Peedi? Amil? Yeah, neither do we.

He will outshine you

You could go from D.C.'s  "hip-hop break-out star" to "brother-in-law of Jay-Z and Beyonce" in the blink of an eye, and no one wants that to happen. No matter how dope you are or how great your debut album turns out to be (fingers-crossed), Jay-Z's star power will extinguish yours. If you befriend him, you are totally on your way to being listed as an "unidentified friend of Jay-Z" in some candid picture in Us Weekly.

• If you mess over Solange, you could be the next victim on that Summer Jam stage

Jay-Z is known for calling people out during Hot 97's annual Summer Jam concert, and if you don't treat his wife's sister right, I imagine he'd make it his business to similarly humiliate you. If there are any unflattering pictures from your past, hide them NOW.

He's going to make you an outlet for his umlaut fetish

Jay-Z loves a good piece of unnecessary punctuation—see the umlauts over the "y" in his name on the cover of the CD single for "Dead Presidents." Wale, you have managed to teach an entire nation—an entire planet!—of hip-hop lovers to pronounce your name without resorting to so much as an accent, but there's a chance Jay-Z could convince you to use one. Don't do it.

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  • 3e

    hilarious article

  • ray

    BS article! bottem line is if you're talented people will recognize that. Jay-Z has nothing to do with it. Just look at Kanye, Rihanna, Rick Ross, Jeezy, etc. Hov brought them into the game either through Rocafella or Def Jam and they are all doing just fine.

  • Grumpy

    Wale stays in his lane, he can walk beside anyone, anytime.

    The key is to not walk BEHIND anyone.

  • Bitter Elitist

    BWAHAHAHAHA THIS IS INSANE! That picture of Prodigy...

  • Sarah Godfrey

    Ray: I maintain that Jay is a bad luck charm for rappers. He brought Kanye out as a producer, not a rapper, so he doesn't count. Rihanna is a singer--she doesn't count. Diddy actually discovered Jeezy(remember Boyz n da Hood?). And Rick Ross was signed to Def Jam while Jay was there, but that deal happened through Slip-N-Slide, so really Ted Lucas brought him out. I still say Jay is rapper kryptonite!!!

  • Aura

    Wale is managed by RocNation, which means he's already affiliated with Jay-Z. *Blank stare* at this article.

  • Sarah Godfrey

    Hey Aura: He's *managed* by Elitaste/RocNation in some kind of joint deal, but he's not actually signed to RocNation--he's on Allido/Interscope. I still say he's had minimal exposure to Jay-Z and that dating Solange could change that.

  • Gustavo

    Ms. Godfrey, who are you to give Wale career advice? As Aura already pointed out, Wale is being managed by Roc Nation, which means that John Meneilly and Rich Kleiman, who manage Jay-Z, also manage Wale. Judging by Jay-Z's tremendous success, I would say that Wale is in very good hands. He is already boys with Jay-Z. He is currently on tour with Jay-Z. Wale has said that Jay-Z loves Attention:Deficit. If you followed him at all, you would know by now that he has ALREADY become "chummy with Jay-Z." Why do you feel the need to speak down upon him? You don't even know the facts. You're just trying to start controversy. Here you are, a writer for a paper that is supposed to represent the city of Washington D.C., and you're criticizing the person who has worked his butt off to get it some representation in the hip hop world. On top of that, he's inspiring, intelligent, and talented as hell. What are you criticizing him for? For maybe having a relationship with Jay-Z's wife little sister? Are you serious? This article just makes me speechless. Utterly pathetic.

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