Arts Desk

Trans-Siberian Orchestra Welcomes You to Rock Your Nuts Off

Or something like that. The icicle-clad symphonic carnival that is the Trans-Siberian Orchestra drops Night Castle, its 72nd collection of goose-pimpled holiday favorites bastardized for Ratt fans who accepted Jesus but can't give up the Floyd Rose Double-Locking Tremolo, on October 27.

The first single is called "Nutrocker." Look for it nowhere, because there isn't a DJ in the country who will get behind such a goddamn ridiculous name.

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  • 6stringer

    Mr. Riggs, you couldn't even get the title of the single correct... it's 'Nutrocker', not 'Nutrock'.

    As far as DJ's refusing to play it, you'd better not tell that to Emerson, Lake & Palmer, or to B. Bumble & the Stingers, who had a #1 hit with that song in the 60's. That's right, #1. Have to wonder how they pulled that off, huh? Since "there isn’t a DJ in the country who will get behind such a goddamn ridiculous name."

    Here's a nickel's worth of free advice for you... it would seriously help your credibility as a writer, if you actually bothered to do a little research before publishing such a ridiculous article.

  • CyberBMcD


    It's easy to see why you have a "blog" and not a "column"

    Columns are for journalists.

    Your sophomoric little rant could never be described as journalism since it lacks even the most rudimentary essentials of a true story, such as research and a basic knowledge of the subject.

    Take a class on journalism and folks might begin to take you seriously, until then, at least take the 30 seconds of effort to research the subject of your blog before making yourself look so unbelievably ignorant.

  • diggerg56

    It's no wonder the newspaper industry as a whole is in such dire straits. You're obviously commenting on something you know nothing about (again) and trying to sound "cute" in doing so.

    I'm sure Emerson, Lake and Palmer (you have heard of them I presume?) would indeed take exception to your reference to their song title.

    All aboard the 'Failboat' says Captian Riggs!

  • Mike Riggs

    Ah! Of course it's "Nutrocker." That sounds so much stupider than "Nutrock"!

    Thanks, 6Stringer, for pointing out the error.

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  • You’re an idiot

    Go screw yourself, Riggs. You wouldn't know good music if it bit you in the ass. Your overall knowledge of music is almost non-existent judging by this stupid blog of yours. I'm sorry TSO isn't like some of the groups you probably listen to (Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Backstreet Boys, etc.) but that's your problem.

  • Mary Maris

    You must be a pimply-faced young child with no social skills or knowledge of classical music, or rock music in general. You are obviously not a journalist, as the phrase "sounds so much stupider" is not something anyone with journalist's education would use.
    Its obvious that having been corrected by 6stringer, you did not bother to look up the origin of "Nutrocker".
    Since you failed to at least do the basics, I am compelled to offer you a brief education. Sit up and pay attention this time please:
    "Nutrocker" : a rock version of one of the movements to the classic "Nutcracker Ballet Suite" by Piotr Ilich Tchaikovsky adapted by Emerson Lake & Palmer and released on their album "Picture at an Exibition" in 1971.
    It is a play on words, and to anyone with any knowledge of its genesis, would be well aware of this fact. If you were not aware, it would be easy enough to access the information, after all, it appears you do use the internet to post your trite, and uninformed blogs. Consider using it to verify information prior to writing anything that not just shows your lack of intelligence, but overall ignorance of music in specific. As stated by 6stringer, Nutrocker was a number one hit for ELP (oh, that is a well-known name for Emerson, Lake and Palmer as well, FYI) It was, and continues to be, a staple on classic rock radio stations everywhere.
    The TransSiberian Orchestra is doing their version in homage(better look that word up Mikey boy) to ELP and Tchaikovsky. Greg Lake, of ELP has appeared with TSO at some venues. I'm sure he and Keith Emerson and Carl Palmer are very happy to hear this amazing song released once again to a new audience. When you grow up, you may even want to listen to the real original fom Tchaikovsky.

  • THE gerbal

    dear mr riggs...any relation to bobby?
    a few things you might not be aware of...well that you OBVIOUSLY are not...that have not been pointed out to this point
    this is far from TSO's "72nd" album, nor is this particular work (NIGHT CASTLE) expected to be what anyone would consider a "holiday" album
    even IF the radio stations dont get behind such a "stupid" name TSO consitantly puts out high quality well recieved and reviewed music with the 1st few albums ahving gone platunum and even double platinum not to mention selling out 2 and 3 show stands in arena s from coast to coast each and every year last year they wound up playing in front of somewhere in the neighborhood of 1.2 MILLION of us stupid folks in a time span of approx 3 months
    if i may, i humbly suggest you come on over to the fan site: and look around a bit, maybe even get to know some of us stupid long time life long fans and actually learn a bit of what it is you write about
    thank you for your time and have a great TSO season

  • IntangibleArts

    tee hee.
    the public is funny.

  • MN

    Is seems that TSO fans are the Paul-tards of the music portion of the internet. You learn something new every day.

  • Brandon Wu

    Using ELP (the most terribly cheesy band on the planet, and I'm a prog fan) as a claim for legitimacy or, uh, non-stupidity is the pinnacle of unintentional hilarity. This is awesome.

  • Amanda

    Um, I think people are taking this all a bit TOO personally. So the guy doesn't like TSO and was too lazy to bother doing any research. Big deal. Have none of you EVER mocked a band you didn't like? I do like TSO and I'm looking forward to NC, but I'm not about to act like this guy insulted my dead grandmother (though, I do think he could have at least done an ounce of research before posting this-- it would have given his post a bit more substance.)

  • THE gerbal

    amanda... when i was a kid i sure did my share of mocking bands, but i grew out of that and if i dont enjoy a bands work then i ignore that band
    i have yet to publish any dispariging remarks about a band that im totally ignorant of even the basic FACTS and presume to refer to it as anything remotely close to being worthy of publication in a public forum, again i seem to have outgrown the urge to do so.
    nor do i enjoy reading anything that calls myself, my family, and many of my friends such things as stupid sloley based on our preferance for one band
    again i urge anyone who truly wants to LEARN about the band and the way they not only talk the talk but certainly walk the walk beyond just the music...feel free to visit the website i posted prior
    and again...i hope you enjoy the season, and possibly learn a bit about the band and yourselves along the way
    have a sooper dooper weekend

  • Dennis Duigou

    Sorry for all the flak from the TSO fans. Clearly, they don't realize what you have had to overcome in your life. I must say, considdering that your parents were siblings and during your birth, tongs were used (the ice grabbing variety) I say you type very well and actually use some big-boy words. Now, I would suggest that you might go see a TSO show. Hey little fella, afterwards, I am sure the band will sign the helmet you wear while riding the short bus and might even let you hold a real guitar in your thick, stubby, sausage like fingers.

  • Andrew Beaujon

    wow, jokes about the disabled. TSO FANS ARE THE BEST!

  • Mary Maris


    Thanks for making my point.

    If you want to slam something, at least have some iota of what you speak. Hey, "Nutrock" would be a strange title, but Mikey-boy got it wrong from the get go.

    Royko he is not.

    It is a big deal when people don't bother to do the research.

    As you say, "he could have done an ounce of research."

    Here another point:
    If he doesn't do it here, why would you expect his research not to be faulty elsewhere? Why would you trust anything he has to say...hmmm wasn't there a "journalist" who lost his job over making it up as he went along? His research was as credible as Riggs.

    you can all joke about the fact that he got a response from fans...that's fine...I kid Parrothead all the time.

    Its not the "joke" that is the point of discussion: its his lack of credibility due to his own lack of fact checking.

    aren't you just a little curious as to whether he is not winging it elsewhere....?

    sounds like a guy who is willing to cut corners to me...

    you may want to keep an eye on him...

    I'm just sayin'....

  • Andrew

    this comment thread is hilarious. 6Stringer, a #1 hit in the 60s! Amazing! That means they're in the same league as "Popcorn" by Hot Butter! Or Ini Kamoze! Or Kris Kross! Or Milli Vanilli!

  • Andrew

    also, sounds like the same folks like Hall and Oates,31207/

  • Daniel M. Laenker

    Mary, do you really think we don't know that "Nutrocker" is an incredibly inane "Nutcracker"-related pun?

    We're not laughing because we think it came out of nowhere, we're laughing because we know exactly where it comes from - and it's incredibly tedious.

    I have some problems with Mr. Riggs' reporting, but mocking Trans-Siberian Orchestra isn't one of them. He is a music critic, and I have no idea how anyone could confuse that for straight reporting.

  • Netti

    He’s a music critic?!?!?!?! That makes his uneducated “review” even more frightening. This man’s credibility is absolutely down the drain at this moment.

  • Amanda


    I know what you're saying about his lack of research in this article being indicative of his potential lack of effort elsewhere, but seriously, is that what's REALLY upsetting people here?
    I doubt it.
    I think most people here are just reacting along the lines of "He insulted my favorite band! He sucks!"
    They're not saying, "Gosh, this person didn't do thorough research, and therefore, he may not be doing thorough research on his other posts. Therefore, we'd better call this to his attention before he makes mistakes about something that's truly important."
    I like TSO a lot. Love BLN, anxious to get NC. They're corny as hell, I know-- a complete cheeseball act, but fun and talented, and I enjoy them. I just don't think it's worth getting so worked up over this little blog.

  • Mike Riggs

    For the record: I'm sorry I misread the press release stating the name of the first single. I should've given it my full attention, as even lame bands deserve honest, accurate coverage.

    Second, I don't give a shit who wrote "Nutrocker." I didn't even bother to look it up. You know why? Because when I saw the words "nut" and "rock" next to each other, I knew that further exploration would only dilute the hilariousness of this post. (That's right, TSO folks, everyone but y'all thinks this post is HILARIOUS.)

    Also, I don't actually think this is the band's 72nd album. That part was sarcasm (prounounced Sar-kaz-im).

    In short, if you want to accuse me of bad reporting, please do it in the comments of a piece that actually matters.

  • Riggs is a child

    You are beyond immature, Riggs. I bet when you saw the words "nut" and "rock", you giggled like a little school girl. I laugh at the person that called you a music critic. Music critics actually know something about the group and give credible insight about them. You do neither. If you're a music critic, I play guitar better than Al Pitrelli (I don't expect you to know who that is since you know nothing about TSO outside of the words "nut" and "rock"). Speaking of "rock", maybe you should come out from under your rock. We would accuse you of bad reporting in a piece that matters if you actually wrote a piece that matters.

  • Mike’s Gay lover

    Posted by Mike Riggs:
    "In short, if you want to accuse me of bad reporting, please do it in the comments of a piece that actually matters."

    Absolutely. The story in which you expressed your dismay about the lack of gay porn in the bike shop, was a piece of journalistic brilliance. Clearly you are in your element when professing your love for the Indigo Girls, gay porn, and gender-related stories. Obviously you were out of your comfort zone for this piece.

    I'm sure you've made your professors at Stetson University very proud! If only they could see you now. Seems like only yesterday that your were the editor-in-chief of the school paper. Now, only one year out of school, you are handling big boy stories all by yourself! Important issues, like your childhood pastor's views on anal sex, and making sure people don't spend their hard-earned money on music that you don't approve of. Atta boy Mike! You've even relocated from Florida to Washington D.C.! Things are really snowballing now! At the rate your going, you're gonna land a real journalism job any day now! I can just feel it.

  • Andrew Beaujon

    This is the greatest comment thread I've ever read.

  • Big TSO fan

    Of course we're taking this personally. To insult the group is to insult the fans as well. If he's going to take cheap shots at TSO fans, we have every right to return some shots at him. I personally think it's stupid that someone who obviously knows little to nothing about the group thinks they could actually form an opinion of them. I bet he's never ever heard "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo." Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but there's a difference between an opinion and just being stupid. How dare he say TSO has a few remaining fans? Really dumb thing to say considering they've had platinum albums and sell out arenas across the country. Yeah, clearly TSO is losing fans each year. Someone send this poor moron some money so he can buy himself a clue.

  • CyberBMcD

    Funnier still is that this KID thinks his opinion is actually funny. : (That’s right, TSO folks, everyone but y’all thinks this post is HILARIOUS.)

    Really Mike? So where are they? If everyone thinks it's funny why aren't they laughing it up in here?

    Oh I know why because NO ONE reads your insignificant drivel.

    The Truth is this is the most amount of hits your blog has ever had. So you're basking in the glory that your IGNORANCE of a subject won you more notoriety than your opinion as a music critic, more pathetic than that is that you're PROUD of it.

    Bravo Mike. Good work.

    PS no one wants an apology, because no matter how ignorant one is in expressing their opinion, everyone is entitled to it. Do you really think you're the first person to trash TSO? Many other writers have domne it before you, the difference is some of them actually researched their subject before trashing it.

    The problem is that you present your opinion as "educated" yet you know absolutely nothing about your subject it's dishonest writing Mike. That's the problem.

  • Mary Maris

    The most interesting point of all:
    Since the first post, Mikey-boy decided to correct the name of the song...

    Interesting isn't it?

    So, Mikey fans take note: who's laughing now?

    LOL! I guess we got under his skin...tsk tsk tsk.

    But we did make his day: ts the most attention he's received on any of his glogs (glog : the blog of someone guilty of not fact-checking) in his life.

    OK TSO Fans, our work here is done.
    Ignore the village idiot now, see you at the shows : East & West!

  • Mike Riggs

    Mary--look at comment #4, the one where I say I'll correct the track name.

    You are an idiot.

  • Big TSO fan

    I'm sure Mary takes that as a compliment coming from you.

  • Dr.Baha Amro

    Mike mike mike.. Pathetic mike. How dare you call write this? If it is a prank please tell us. You couldn't be serious about this. Making a joke about Emerson, Lake & Palmer but the great TSO! I am sure you are a hip-hop or Britney spears fan that's why we are not going to get mad :)