John Camp, Financial Disaster
Mixed media: Monopoly money, screen,
foam core, cardboard, 2008, 7.5 × 2 feet

Make sure to check out the drink at Urbana Restaurant & Bar (2121 P St NW).

Elisabeth Arzt, Tortoise & the Bare
Ceramic, 2008, 10 × 5 feet

…which inspired Erik Holzherr’s delightful beverage by the same name. Consume one at Wisdom (1432 Pennsylvania Avenue SE).

My superiors have informed me that the 2009 Artini Season began two days ago. (I was so busy recovering from the previous iteration that I’d hardly noticed.)

SO IT’S BACK INTO THE THICK OF IT, folks…spring is just around the corner, the drinks are flowing like aspersions from a jilted Press Secretary, and, according to Megan Harmon at the Corcoran, those artsy concoctions are better than ever.

Stay tuned for more buzz.

Between sips, partygoers got a chance to explore the Corcoran at night–to revel in the Bierstadts, to commune with Warhol’s Mao, to steep themselves in the portraiture of Gilbert Stuart.

As the pulsing music deafened and the night wore on, we were pleased to observe that all the old faces were there–Megan and Kristin from the Corcoran, Chancy from A Not So Capital Idea, Alice Appleton–a trooper in the true sense of the word, who made it to the event on crutches– from wherever she comes from, Maureen, Terry, and of course the bartenders and proprietors themselves–John Hogan from Hudson, Rico from Poste, Jeremy from Westend, Joe from Topaz, Omar and José from the Teatro Goldoni, Paul and Gina from Indebleu….

But enough of this wishy-washy sentimentalizing; you just want to know who won!

…drumroll…

And the winner is…the Goldini! That’s right: Omar’s espresso-and chocolate-infused dessert martini took home the grand prize. Omar, meanwhile, was a very happy man, jumping, dancing, laughing the rest of the night away…like Roberto Benigni after winning the Oscar.

There are still some videos to come, and always more martinis to be…artfully consumed. As we look towards the ‘09 Artini Season–as bartenders bulk up in the offseason, learn new tricks and hatch new schemes–let us remember the abiding truth that, if in wine there is truth, in martini there is ART.

Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!

Photos courtesy of Denny Henry: www.dennyhenry.com/artini.

Vodka
Peach schnapps
Peach nectar
Cranberry juice
Orange juice
Pineapple juice
A splash of grenadine
…and garnished with radish OR cucumber

Brian’s take: I got lucky at the lovely lysergic Lotus Lounge. Now, now, now–get your mind out of the gutter. My luck was wholly wholesome, and came in the guise of a zig-zaggy, spring-like coil of cucumber as a garnish in my Wild Orchid artini. While all of my fellow tasters had some kind of radish contraption floating in their drinks, for some reason I got this curious green little fellow. I have to say, I tasted the other artinis, and my cuke made it markedly better. I could feel the nutrients being digested by my saliva-liva-liva-liva-liva:::::::::::::::::::cucumber::::::::::::::::fresh crunchy springy twirly swirly whirly artsy fartsy tini weenie Lotusssssssss……The Wild Orchid.

On a scale of 1 to 5 olives: 3

Ted’s take: Creme tangerine and Montélimar–a ginger sling with a pineapple heart– a coffee dessert, yes you know it’s good news…but you’ll have to have them all pulled out after the Wild Orchid.

Cool cherry cream, nice apple tart–I feel your taste all the time we’re apart. Coconut fudge–really blows down those blues…but you’ll have to have them all pulled out after the Wild Orchid!

George Harrison, sometime guru and veteran of many trips, was not present on Tuesday night at the Lotus Lounge. Had he been in attendance, he would have found the Wild Orchid a drink of gooey delectation and thoroughly psychedelic impact. It requires a certain brand of alchemy to fit that many fruit flavors into one glass, but–dig this, man, it was like they all combined to make up, like, one fruit…far out?

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 3.25

Splash of gin
Organic black tea
Honey
Vodka!

Brian’s take: Maybe this is just me, but I have always considered tea and alcohol to occupy very separate spheres in my liquid life. I generally reserve tea for porches, breakfast nooks, camp stoves and coffee shops, and while alcohol certainly has its place in all these venues, mixing the two potables seems to yield a result that is a bit less than the sum of its parts. Such was my impression of Topaz’s Unique Bronze Piece–it was a rather delicious tea drink, but in the end, I want my liquor to taste like liquor, if only a little bit. To be fair, that is often the problem with these artfully made martinis–the liquor takes a backseat–and I would rather have tea at the forefront of the flavor rather than some abominable gooey syrup. But in the end, I’ll take my tea at tea time, my booze at boozing time, and my kick in the old derriere at closing time.

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 2.5

Ted’s take: A lovely little drink, in which neither the honey nor the tea overstays its welcome. The only complication I foresee is that it tastes so much like a breakfast drink…and the booze itself is so silkily masked…that this could spell trouble in the early hours of the a.m. A word to the wise: should you have the unique pleasure of sipping this unique drink, you will find yourself lulled into a Zen-like complacency, in which your inner life finds no objective correlative in the outside world. Bear in mind the following koan, and let your spirit be your guide:

A lord asked Takuan, a Zen Teacher, to suggest how he might pass the time. He felt his days very long attending his office and sitting stiffly to receive the homage of others.

Takuan wrote eight Chinese characters and gave them to the man:

“Not twice this day
Inch time foot gem.
This day will not come again.
Each minute is worth a priceless gem.”

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 4