The boys from the City Paper chase down the ghost of Derrida at Hudson’s Restaurant & Lounge. Oh, Momma!

Brian’s take: I find it ironic that it was not until the very last of these 15 grueling tastings that we got to try an actual, real live, honest-to-goodness, no strings-attached straight-up martini. That is, if you consider a martini with vodka instead of gin to be such. But if you do, this was the real deal: vodka, vermouth, bitters, chilled glass, stirred, not shaken, with a large helping of drink history, anatomy, and physiology from impressive mixologist John Hogan. Upon tasting this expertly made drink, I realized how close I had come to forgetting what a martini is. John jogged my memory. Then he handed me a plate of three homemade potato chips, each with a different dollop on top: one with a Vermouth espuma, one with a vodka espuma, and the last with a bleu cheese reduction. Benissimo!

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 4.689

Ted’s take: Heroes are made… not born.

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 4.85

Brian’s take: There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good basil leaf. (All right, well there are probably a few things I enjoy more, but not many I tell you, not many.) The “Byzantine” at Hook had several such leaves floating in it, which made for quite the aromatic drinking experience. Unfortunately, however, the smelling was superior to the tasting. The olfactory experience was top-notch–the thing smelled like a melted pineapple pizza, which my party and I found to be surprisingly pleasant–but once the concoction hit my lips and trickled across my tongue, I was instantly underwhelmed. And although I like basil leaves, I am not so enamored of soggy, fruit juice-soaked basil leaves. Given the choice between pizza and beer and the Byzantine, I’d spring for the former, fo sho.

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 3.245

Ted’s take: Nothing on this earth is more seductive than a good basil leaf.

…with the possible exception of that ethereal glimmer in the right pair of gray eyes….

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 3

Brian’s take: The artini at Perry’s was about as complex as its name is long: “Perry’s Sangria Pipette and Apple Gelee Martini.” Now I’m a simple guy, but I have to say that in this unique case, more was actually more. Talk about sweating the details–Perry’s artini had psychedelic colors, a titillating texture (imagine what it must feel like to have flavorful specs of apple sauce floating in your drink), and strangely surgical-looking pipettes protruding from the whole ensemble. These pipettes were filled with sangria, a whole separate drink unto itself, and you could do with them what wished: drink the sangria straight from the pipe, inject the sangria into the apple gelee, stir the whole shebang pipette-style, suck the drink into the pipette and then squeeze it out again, shove the pipette into your friends ear and watch him squirm, &tc. The options were apparently limitless, and we sat there playing with our drinks–and devouring all manner of delectable sushi rolls, each of which jived with the flavor of the artini remarkably well–as the liquor went to our heads and the fish to our stomachs.

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 4.789

Ted’s take: Gastronomical purity and a self-assured cocktail. In the words of Cocteau: “Hell yes, motherf*cker.”

On a scale of 1 to 5 olive branches: 4.9

With the bracing knowledge that all things must pass, we bittersweetly report that last night was the grand finale of Artini Season ‘08, a climactic blowout at the Corcoran. We laughed, we cried…we drank artinis (those that were available, that is; only the Goldini, the D’Ici, and the Dolly Madison were in attendance).

Between sips, partygoers got a chance to explore the Corcoran at night–to revel in the Bierstadts, to commune with Warhol’s Mao, to steep themselves in the portraiture of Gilbert Stuart.

As the pulsing music deafened and the night wore on, we were pleased to observe that all the old faces were there–Megan and Kristin from the Corcoran, Chancy from A Not So Capital Idea, Alice Appleton–a trooper in the true sense of the word, who made it to the event on crutches– from wherever she comes from, Maureen, Terry, and of course the bartenders and proprietors themselves–John Hogan from Hudson, Rico from Poste, Jeremy from Westend, Joe from Topaz, Omar and José from the Teatro Goldoni, Paul and Gina from Indebleu….

But enough of this wishy-washy sentimentalizing; you just want to know who won!

…drumroll…

And the winner is…the Goldini! That’s right: Omar’s espresso-and chocolate-infused dessert martini took home the grand prize. Omar, meanwhile, was a very happy man, jumping, dancing, laughing the rest of the night away…like Roberto Benigni after winning the Oscar.

There are still some videos to come, and always more martinis to be…artfully consumed. As we look towards the ‘09 Artini Season–as bartenders bulk up in the offseason, learn new tricks and hatch new schemes–let us remember the abiding truth that, if in wine there is truth, in martini there is ART.

Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!

Photos courtesy of Denny Henry: www.dennyhenry.com/artini.