Best Place to Relieve Yourself

Best: Your own bathroom
2nd Best: Alley south of S Street between Connecticut Avenue and 20th Street NW
Timberlake’s, Russia House, and most of the bars and clubs north of Dupont Circle have nice, clean restrooms and reasonable lines to use them on the weekends. But cleanliness doesn’t mean much to drinkers who suffer from bladder-shyness. And lines? Long or short, the last thing a bashful guy carrying a swollen sack of piss wants is to drain himself in the company of strangers. No, bladder babies need privacy, silence, and a place to safely break the seal. The alley off S Street between Connecticut Avenue and 20th Streets NW is a perfect spot. Wander far enough in, and no one from the street will be able to see you, there’s even a nook by the back door of the Commerce Bank that’ll keep you out of a police cruiser’s spotlight. Just be careful not to slip in the mystery substances that drip from nearby Dumpsters and keep an eye out for rats—they’re especially uninhibited in this part of town.