Best of D.C. 2009

It’s hard to match the gumption, panache, and sheer idiocy of Dewayne A. Edwards, who twice knocked over the same Adams National Bank branch—and probably would have gone for a third round if the FBI hadn’t linked his DNA to hair and skin samples found on the fake beard he’d worn as camouflage. If anyone comes close, though, it’s Francis C. Marshall, who issued a bomb threat at a K Street PNC and collected a sack of bills (neatly equipped with a dye pack) before frantically attempting to hail a cab. (Note to aspiring stickup men: Invest in a getaway car!) While waiting on K Street, Edwards experienced repeated wardrobe malfunctions, whereby his pants kept slipping to reveal his larcenous, bare ass. (Note to aspiring stickup men: Invest in underwear!) After the dye pack exploded, Marshall paid the cabbie in ink-stained bills. The cabbie, not amused, returned to the PNC and alerted authorities, who apprehended Marshall a short time later.