It’s no secret that gyms are hypersexualized locales. I mean, when you get down to it, pretty much everyone who works out either: 1) wants to get laid more; or 2) wants to look better while getting laid. Probably both. But if you’re not exactly sure just who you’d like to be fucking, might we suggest a Resluts…I mean, Results membership. The local chain’s three locations offer a nice survey of the District sexual landscape. The U Street location is referred to as the “Dupont Circle” branch for a reason, even though it’s eight blocks from the actual circle: No full-service gym caters to the gay-muscle crowd in the city’s traditionally gayest ’hood. For the schlumpy straight man, ahem, it has its charms too: You get hit on! (They call us “bears.”) Down on Capitol Hill, federal employees and junior associates have plenty of opportunities to meet cute over a mixup on the elliptical signup board. And if you’re into the MILF crowd, try weekdays after 9 a.m. The new downtown location, at Connecticut and L? Still developing its sexual preference—but, like the other two Resultses, it’s a really nice gym, too.

—Mike DeBonis