I Check My Phone When I Blindfold My Girlfriend Plus: Can this dude who wants to bone a guy really be straight?

I found this in an online sex ad: “Straight guy with an addiction to massive cocks in my ass.” This “straight guy” went on to mention his girlfriend. Can a person really identify as straight while wanting to be fucked by men? I understand that straight guys can like ass play too, but it’s not like he wants to be pegged by his girlfriend or use a dildo on himself. He’s straight-up (heh-heh) looking for hung dudes to fuck his ass. —Jaded And Wondering, Dude’s Really On Pussy?

Can a person identify as straight while wanting to be fucked by men? Ha-ha-ha. Yes. I was pretending to be straight when I was 15, Pastor Ted “Meth and Man Ass” Haggard was pretending to be straight when he was 45, and Congressman Aaron Schock is still pretending to be straight.

As for the guy behind that online sex ad: He is most likely bisexual and rounding himself down to straight. There’s a much smaller chance he’s straight and it isn’t the massive cocks that turn him on, JAWDROP, but the boundary-shattering/identity-upending violation that being pounded by massive cocks represents. It could also be a “forced bi” thing, and he’s doing this to please a dominant girlfriend. Or—and this is a lot likelier than straight or forced bi—he’s a gay guy who pretends to be a straight guy online because the ruse attracts gay and bi guys turned on by the boundary-crossing/identity-upending violation that shoving their massive cocks up a straight guy’s ass represents.

Only way to know for sure: Ask him yourself. No guarantee you’ll get a straight answer, of course, but only he knows for sure what’s up with him. —Dan

My girlfriend can’t use hormonal birth control and “doesn’t like” condoms but wants sex. What would you do? —Paternal Anxiety Upsetting Sexual Escapades

I would fuck her in the ass, PAUSE, but only with her enthusiastic and sustained consent. And one day I would leave her, come out as gay, and get myself a boyfriend who likes condoms and start fucking him in the ass instead. —Dan

I recently started dating a girl who likes to be submissive. It’s more of a psychological thing than a pain thing. She opened up about her kink, and I was all for it, thinking myself the ultimate GGG lover. Thing is, I find being a Dom quite boring. I love getting her off, but I just can’t get into the role. I’m not sure if this is funny or horrible, but the other day, she was strapped to the bed and just as she was reaching a climax, I stopped. I uncuffed her, told her I was leaving the room, and ordered her not to take the blindfold off or touch herself. She loved it, but I did it so I could go to the toilet and check my phone. I’d say something to her if I found it gross or it wasn’t working, but she enjoys it to the point where she has little interest in doing anything else. Even when regular intercourse takes place, there are still clear submissive overtones—to have vanilla sex at all, I basically have to lecture her first about her dirty ways to get her going. I like more “mutual” activities like 69ing, massages, etc. She seems open to it but then steers it back to her submissiveness. I enjoy sex with her, but this Dom/sub thing is a roadblock to me getting off. Am I just being self-centered? —Dom Only On Demand

All BDSM tops—all Masters, Mistresses, Pro-Doms, switches, vanilla-but-GGG partners of submissive types—occasionally check their phones, go to the toilet, take a snack break, etc., while their subs wait blindfolded or hooded back in the bedroom/playroom/dungeon. The sub gets to tremble in anticipation; the Dom gets to relax for a second. So taking a quick toilet/phone break doesn’t mean you are a lousy Dom, DOOD, but I definitely see why you’re bored: BDSM isn’t your thing, you’re doing it for her, and she’s taking you for granted. You’re being GGG (and indulging all her kinks); she’s not being GGG (she’s making it all about her kinks). Tell your girlfriend that she’ll have to lecture herself about her dirty ways when you two are having vanilla PIV sex, 69ing, or swapping massages, if that’s what it takes to get her going, because you don’t want to have to play at being dominant every time you have sex.

I suspect the Dom/sub play will feel like less of a roadblock, DOOD, if every sexual interaction with your girlfriend isn’t colored by it. —Dan

I love my girlfriend. However, she has an issue with things she considers “icky”—like sperm, saliva, sex when menstruating, and anal sex as well as the resulting santorum. She also regards dressing up for sex and talking dirty as silly. She enjoys sex just fine, but it is pretty plain vanilla. Any advice on how to move her in a more experimentalist direction would be appreciated. I am not looking to turn her into an anal fanatic or a sloppy blowjob queen, but rather for her to put aside her preconceived notions and give some things a try by embracing them fully. —Wants It Less Tedious

Anal isn’t for everyone and sloppy blowjobs aren’t for everyone, WILT, but a fear of all bodily secretions—with the convenient exception of her own vaginal secretions—isn’t just sex-negative, it’s childish. Let her know that, as much as you love her, this relationship won’t last if she can’t get a little more comfortable with human bodies and the stuff that leaks from them before, during, and after sex. —Dan

I want to thank you for your constant advice to explore fantasies, communicate desires, and get thorough consent in a sexy way. I’m a bi-ish college girl and used to be in a sexually unsatisfying long-distance relationship. Then I started saying, “What would Dan do?” Now I’m friends-with-BDSM-benefits with my ex—he buys me sexy lingerie and bath products while I remind him what a naughty boy he is—and I’m currently planning a super-hot threesome with a rugby player and his girlfriend! Yahtzee! And none of it would have happened without you! —Satisfied Lady

I feel conflicted about your letter, SL.

Let’s say your ex suddenly violates the terms of your friends-with-BDSM-benefits arrangement and starts presenting you with unsexy PJs and dishwashing soap. Or let’s say that rugby player is a lousy lay who can’t find your clit and his girlfriend is a loony nut who keys your car in a fit of post-threesome jealousy. If I had previously taken credit for all the awesome sex you’re currently having and/or looking forward to—and that’s what I would be doing if I accepted your thanks without qualification—then I would have to take responsibility for the unsexy PJs, the dishwashing soap, the lousy-in-bed rugby player, the damage to your car, etc.

So instead of accepting your thanks, SL, I’ll just say this: I’m happy you’re happy, and I’m pleased my column was helpful, but the adventurous sex you’re having and/or looking forward to now? You always had that in you. Reading my column may have helped you tap into your adventurous spirit, but the credit for your sex life—and the responsibility for your sex life—ultimately rests with you. —Dan

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