Six Films so Terrible-Sounding They Should Have Come Out in the Summer The fall's worst films

Footloose
Footloose Opens Oct. 14

America’s current fixation with all long-ago things song-and-dance made this Footloose remake inevitable. Whether this new installment goes the way of the Zac Efron’s Hairspray or falls flat like Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights is left at the rebellious feet (and dreamy abs) of newcomer Kenny Wormald.

The Three Musketeers Opens Oct. 21

Hollywood’s inability to recreate the swashbuckling epics of yore hasn’t stopped it from releasing a steady stream of flops. And so they’ll trot out The Three Musketeers for what feels like the billionth time, hoping that Orlando Bloom’s natural resemblance to Guy Fawkes can prevent this turkey-to-be from fast-tracking its way to your local Redbox.

Puss in Boots Opens Nov. 4 Happy New Year Opens December 9

Tepid box-office results of the final Shrek, be damned! The ailing franchise’s rigor mortis comes via a prequel with Antonio Banderas’ one-note character Puss in Boots. And on Dec. 9, Garry Marshall unveils Happy New Year, the latest chapter in his interpretation of Eric Rohmer’s “Six Moral Tales,” which in Marshall’s hands might as well be titled Seven Banal Holidays. Here, he’ll use up his 40-plus years of goodwill to embarrass industry friends such as Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, and Halle Berry with a pensive, sentimental montage set to “Auld Lang Syne.”

Happy Feet Two Opens Nov. 18 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked Opens Dec. 16

The secret to a successful movie, from Bridesmaids to Madagascar, is a bouncy soundtrack comprised of old pop songs played for kitsch—with bonus points awarded when sung by a computer-generated antelope and/or porcupine. Happy Feet Two in 3-D and Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked will likely reignite our love for Better than Ezra or Fine Young Cannibals through a show stopping, choreographed finale.

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State of the Arts: 2011 Fall Arts Guide

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