My Huge Clitoris Shocked My OB-GYN Is sexual arousal what's making my lady parts swell so big?

Illustration by Robert Ullman

I am 50 and a lesbian. I have had a pretty active sex life for the last 30 years, including a couple of long-term relationships. For the last three years, I’ve been with a woman I love very much. We have amazing sexual chemistry—by far the best I have experienced.

For the last two years, I have noticed that my clitoris is getting bigger. Not trans-man-takes-testosterone big, but substantially bigger than it has ever been. I thought it was due to a big increase in sexual excitement, but it soon became clear that the enlargement was a permanent thing. It gets much more erect than it used to and often throbs or twitches after I come.

No one’s complaining. I am enjoying the heightened sexual arousal, and my girlfriend (who is very GGG) is thrilled. But why/how is this happening? Could it get even bigger? And why now? I hit menopause seven years ago, so it’s not some weird hormone surge. Could our sexual connection have caused this all by itself? I don’t really want to ask my gynecologist, though I did notice her checking out my equipment with wide eyes at my last checkup.—Stiffie Needs A Zipcode

“I always like to hear from people who are satisfied with their sex lives and relationships,” says author, sex researcher, vulva-puppeteer, and archrival sex-advice columnist Debby Herbenick, and I have to agree. Most of our mail comes from people who are unhappy with their sex lives and/or dissatisfied with their relationships. It’s always nice to hear from folks who are having fun.

What’s not so nice is that we sometimes have to tell happy-and-satisfied folks that something may be seriously wrong.

“I would strongly encourage her to ask her gynecologist about her enlarged clitoris,” says Herbenick. “She should be very clear about the fact that it has increased in size. She should let her know when she first noticed this and roughly how much she thinks it’s increased in size.”

If your gynecologist isn’t comfortable talking with you about your clit—if she just stands there gaping at it—get a new gynecologist. Because your megaclit could be a symptom of something very, very serious.

“You need your doctor to examine your clit and rule out various medical conditions that could cause hormonal problems,” says Herbenick. “Sometimes these are benign health conditions. Unfortunately, sometimes they include vulvar cancers, ovarian cancers, and adrenal cancers that, for example, may present with symptoms including an enlarged clitoris.”

Some women believe their clitorises “grew” after menopause, but that’s not usually the case. When estrogen levels drop during menopause, other parts of the vulva—such as the labia—can become flatter or less prominent, which can in turn make the clitoris appear bigger. “However, she’s been in menopause for a long time,” says Herbenick, “and it sounds like the clitoral change happened well into menopause.” And amazing sex does not supersize clits: “High levels of arousal usually result in only a temporary swelling of the clitoris,” Herbenick says.

Make another appointment to see your doctor, SNAZ, “and keep asking questions until she’s sure that medical conditions, such as cancers, have been ruled out,” Herbenick urges.

And, again, if your gynecologist doesn’t want to discuss it or was too stupid to spot what could be a symptom of common lady-parts cancers (!), time to get a new gynecologist. —Dan

My husband is beautiful, awesome, etc. Unfortunately, his dick is small. It wasn’t so bad our first few years together; he knows how to work what he’s got. But then I had a baby, and I tore. A few days later, my stitches tore. My six-week checkup turned out to be a poke in the stomach to confirm that my uterus was back in place, and when I asked why I couldn’t get restitched, the doctor told me, “Vaginas are very forgiving.” But a year later, Kegels aren’t helping and both of us are having trouble getting off.

He enjoys anal sex, but it’s not really fulfilling for me. I want to get a vaginoplasty to fit him, but I’ll have to wait till we’ve saved up enough money to pay for it. Please, Dan, tell me how to have hotter sex with a small dick and a shredded kitty. —Unforgiving

“Many women who have had multiple or traumatic births—and it sounds like she had a good deal of tearing—have some degree of prolapse,” says Herbenick. (A uterine prolapse, says the Wiki, “occurs when the female pelvic organs fall from their normal position, into or through the vagina.”)

“If she did have prolapse,” says Herbenick, “she may be a candidate for anterior or posterior vaginal wall repair, which is quite similar to vaginal ‘rejuvenation’ surgeries, and then insurance may cover the surgery.

“Some people will wildly disagree with me and say that women shouldn’t have surgery ‘to please their man,’ but I don’t see that here,” Herbenick adds. “I see two people who are married and want better sex, and she may have experienced some physical changes that have affected that. And there are ways to fix it.”

Herbenick is the associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, a book that I strongly recommend even though she once attacked me with a vulva puppet in a room full of people. —Dan

I live in Ann Arbor, Mich. Grange, a local restaurant, has a cocktail called “GGGinger.” Is it possible for a cocktail to be GGG? And how does it feel to have inspired one? —Curious Cocktail Connection

I’m saddened to report the GGGinger’s Gs refer to three of the gin-based cocktail’s ingredients—ginger beer, candied ginger, and ginger syrup—and not to the Savage Love meme “good, giving, and game.” Still, Grange co-owner Brandon Johns is confident that his GGGingers have inspired GGG behavior all over Ann Arbor.

“It’s been our most popular drink since we opened,” says Johns, “so it must be doing something right.”

And in other, more successful Savage Love memes…Former U.S. senator and current presidential candidolt Rick Santorum “opened up” to Roll Call last week about his “longtime Google problem,” aka “the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex” and always the No. 1 search result when you Google the former senator’s last name.

“It’s one guy,” Santorum told Roll Call. “You know who it is… It’s unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues.”

I do have issues—I have lots of issues—but I take particular issue with politicians who compare loving, stable same-sex relationships to “man on dog” sex, as Santorum has done, or who would ban same-sex marriage and adoptions by same-sex couples, as Santorum has promised to do if he gets elected president. But the lowercase-“s” santorum campaign wasn’t “one guy.” A lot of people were involved—from the Savage Love reader who first suggested that we redefine your name to all the folks who’ve written about it over the years—just like a lot of people were involved in turning Rick Santorum out of office in 2006, an election he lost by an 18-point santorumslide. —Dan Savage

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Our Readers Say

Speaking as a nurse with both L&D/OB and OR experience; What was left unaddressed was the fact that "Unforgiving's" Doc was a tool; I would be curious as to why her stitches tore-there aren't really all that many reasons for stitches to tear like that so soon after being placed, especially since her dh is not massive-they could tear due to poor placement, and could possibly leave her more, well, "loose" than the original tear made her;did she notify him right when they tore? I sensed that she was less than thrilled with the level of care during her six-week visit; "My six-week checkup turned out to be a poke in the stomach to confirm that my uterus was back in place, and when I asked why I couldn’t get restitched, the doctor told me, “Vaginas are very forgiving.” wtf? "forgiving?" As in I don't feel like dealing with it, and if we address it, we may find out that the stitches that I originally placed were crap.
I have a problem that most men dream of having, but I'm here to tell you that it's not necessary as good as you would imagine. I have a really large penis! It's almost 8 inches long and 6 full inches around. But here's the problem:

My wife of many years is still, even after giving birth to five children, having a lot of difficulty accommodating it, vaginally! We engage in lots of foreplay. She usually climaxes before I enter her (we enjoy that but it also helps prepare her). But she still experiences a lot of discomfort when I stroke and I've never been able to go really deep without her wincing (so, obviously I don't do that). Oral sex is pretty much out of the questions.

Before we married, I had several women who could easily take my entire cocks comfortably, even in their mouths! Yes, that was amazing and good. But, I adore my wife of 25 years and only want to be with her. So, my question is: Is there anything we can do to help with this? My wife is now post menopause, on vaginal estrogen cream to improve condition and lubrication. We ALWAYS use a water based lubricant during sex. But it just seems, as amazing as this may be to many less-endowed men out there, like my cock is too big!

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

Marco Pole, Oh!
Hi I'm a 32 year old woman that has a very big clit it is like I'm always feeling like it is hard and my husband of 4 years said It looks like a small penis but I have always had it and it almost like if I touch it I cum I have gone to the GYN and he said everything was okay but I was the biggest he has seen by far my Question is when my husband goes down there he said I make him feel like he is the women and I'm the man I feel like I can't be my self and feel good when I'm having sex like I should can anyone help?

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