I Put My Girlfriend's Tampons In My Ass When I Masturbate! Plus: Is drinking urine bad for you?

Illustration by Robert Ullman

I’m sorry about sending this letter to you via snail mail. I don’t want to send an e-mail because I’d rather not have a record of this living forever on some server somewhere.

About six months ago, after watching my girlfriend insert a tampon, I asked if I could do it for her next time. She thought it was an odd request but agreed. After “helping” a few times, the conversation turned to what it felt like to wear one. Her response was, “Want to try one yourself?”

With her help—and a little lube—soon there was a string hanging out of my butt. This has now become a regular feature of our sex life. And if this is not strange enough, I have now started doing this when I masturbate alone. I actually went out and got my own box of tampons—Tampax Pearl Plastic Regular are the best (they’re the easiest to insert)—which I keep hidden.

I have a few questions:

1. Why do I get such a euphoric feeling when I pull the tampon out when I’m coming? Does it have something to do with my prostate?

2. Am I doing any damage to myself?

3. Just how deviant is this practice?

4. Do you think I could sell the idea to Tampax as a whole new market segment?

—The Ass Man’s Peculiar Anal Xccentricity

1. The tampon in your ass swells as it absorbs lube and rectal mucus and whatever else, TAMPAX, and stimulates—yes indeed—your prostate as it swells. Yanking the tampon out when you’re coming further stimulates your prostate at the exact moment it’s being zapped by orgasmic contractions—contractions that involve your anal sphincter, which you’re also stimulating as you yank. A butt plug would provide you with the exact same sensations—well, the exact same physical sensations. Part of the tampon-related thrill for you, I suspect, is the gender-transgression aspect of this. You’re not just penetrating yourself, TAMPAX, you’re penetrating yourself with an absorbent feminine talisman. Not all men who enjoy anal penetration are interested in being symbolically feminized—ahem—but clearly you are, TAMPAX.

2. My hunch: As long as you’re using lube and not leaving ’em in for days at a time, you should be fine. And a medical expert I consulted—who wished to remain anonymous (he didn’t want his name linked forever to anal tampon play on some server somewhere, either)—backed me up. “This would pose zero risk,” says my medical expert. “Medically, there’s nothing else to say about it.”

3. When it comes to human sexuality, TAMPAX, deviation from imaginary and tyrannical “norms” is the norm.

4. Seeing as condom manufacturers still refuse to market their products for anal sex—or directly to gay men—the odds that Tampax will move aggressively into the straight-dudes-with-strings-hanging-out-of-their-butts market seems pretty slim. —Dan

I had a conversation over lunch with a gay friend who is into BDSM as a dominant. He told me he’s “coaching” a novice dom, a young straight fellow who doesn’t have much experience but who is into very heavy bondage and “some stuff that is potentially dangerous.” My friend warned him away from the dangerous stuff and is coaching him on safer and saner pursuits. The interesting thing, however, is that, whatever they do, they must both be fully clothed at all times. The reason? The young fellow is LDS, i.e., Mormon. For most people, BDSM is inescapably tied up (no pun intended) with sexuality, but leave it to a Mormon to attempt to de-eroticize erotic bondage!

Pornography, on the other hand (also no pun intended), is a serious plague destroying the moral fiber of this country. But not to worry: Deseret Book, the Mormon Church’s publishing arm, has developed the “Clean & Safe Media Pledge.” You’re supposed to download it, print it out, sign it, and put it near your computer. Then you don’t have to worry about porn ever again! —Latter Day Taint

There’s a lot of cross-orientation play in the BDSM scene these days, LDT, which has become less sexually segregated with every passing year. Skills are skills: An inexperienced straight bondage top can learn a lot from a gay bondage expert. The experience may be less erotic, or less intense, than being tied up by someone you’re physically and emotionally attracted to, of course, but it is still erotic—street clothes and/or magic underpants notwithstanding.As for the Mormon Church’s “Clean & Safe Media Pledge,” LDT, that seems to work about as well as those purity pledges taken by countless unwed teen moms. Utah has the highest per capita online-porn consumption rates in the country. —Dan

I recently had a delightful evening out on the town with a friend of mine. Things got a little out of hand and both of us drank a small amount of a female bartender’s urine. I would say it was about one ounce each. We were pretty drunk, and I’m not quite sure what led up to it. I think I was trying to prove something. I think we were trying to show how “badass” we were. It sounds really goddamn stupid when I type it out. The urine was clear and it had little taste, but now I am concerned about the health risks. What sort of diseases could I contract? —Worried About Server’s Piss

You can scratch “drink a random bartender’s piss” off your bucket list, WASP, but everyone else out there reading has to add it to theirs. Drinking urine presents no risk of HIV infection and low to no risk for just about everything save cooties. Hepatitis is blood-borne, and if there wasn’t any blood in your bartender’s urine—and if you didn’t have any cuts or open sores in your mouth—then you probably don’t have anything to worry about.

But you know what? You’re going to worry regardless, WASP, until you know for sure that you didn’t catch anything. So go see a doctor and get your bad ass tested. —Dan

Your maple-syrup fetishist from last week—the guy who had to smell maple syrup to get off—should find someone who is working on her milk supply or really likes fenugreek. While I was trying to nurse my son, I took fenugreek—an herb that helps with milk production—and, by God, I smelled like a Waffle House in all the important places. Sadly, my husband did not share ORGASM’s kink and was actually a little bit alarmed at my eau-de-pancakes aroma. —Intriguingly Hot Odorous Pussy

Thanks for the tip, IHOP. And you weren’t the only reader with a tip for someone whose letter ran in last week’s column. Seeking Slave Food’s mistress wanted to deny him the pleasures of food, and he was looking for a “slop” that was “highly nutritious but as bland-tasting as possible.” I urged him to patronize vegan restaurants where he lives—much to the consternation of the vegans. (Apparently, vegans are prejudiced against BDSMers and don’t want to dine with them—who knew?) But readers suggested that SSF try Nutraloaf, “a food served in United States prisons to inmates who have demonstrated significant behavioral issues,” according to its Wiki page. And my readers had lots of suggestions for the man who wanted to find straight porn for his iPhone: mobileboner.com, pornhub.com, tube8.com, thehun.com, americansfortruth.com, and spankwire.com. —Dan Savage

Send your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.

Our Readers Say

I don't know what you're worrying about, Friend. Some people may find this deviant but in my opinion they are the kind of people who have never experimented.
One tampon shouldn't cause any damage but you should always take care when sticking anything in your ass.
You obviously get off on this and from what I read, your girlfriend is an open minded girl (that's always good).Since you aren't hurting anyone at all then it isn't a problem. Be sure to talk about everything with your girlfriend. If you are open with one another then you will always have a good relationship. Problems occur when you DON'T talk about things
Chris your gay.
I have been using tampons since I was 10 yo..I love the feling of the string comming out of my asshole as I walk around.

Ihave used as many as Three at once.. It fills my ass and NO one knows!!
I have inserted Playtex tampons up my anus since I was a teenager. I tape 3 -4 plastic applicators together so I can insert the tampon up as high as possible. Sometimes up to 8 tampons at a time. I have use all aborbencies up to ULTRA.
Of course I can get more Normal size than Ultra size inserted at a time. Using lube helps to insert them. I use dental floss tied on the end of strings to remove them.I enjoy inserting & removing them.
I have been useing tampons in my ass for many years!

I have my daily enema and to asorbe any residual water I put in a tampon...I leave it in till i shit it out.

I love to fel the string comming out on my asshole(cunt) as I walk around all day..I wear panties toofor a more fem experience!
i have had sex while wearing 10 tampons at once and i wear my gfriends panties and other sex toys
i have had sex while wearing 10 tampons at once and i wear my gfriends panties and other sex toys
try a vibrator in your ass guys with tampons in there to woowee it is so goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodd
try a vibrator in your ass guys with tampons in there to woowee it is so goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodd
Hi! I LOVE tampons my motto is this:"Fuck Me In The Ass With A Tampon".Anal Sex with a Tampon,Penis.AnalToys,Enemas,Homemake Didloes,Candles,and more etc...The joys of being a assmaster! Bless You,And Rock Our World!!! Melissa S.
I use Playtex gentle glide ultra. Also like carefree thong size pantyliners whenI wear panties/lingere. I love having a guy that just fucked me slide a tampon in my ass!. Use astroglide for best results (OR KY). I like them when masturbating by myself.Tug on the string but dont pull it out until t
you cum! Kotex super are also good. Those that arnent broken in will want to go with regular or petite. Try it after anal sex you will love it
"Seeing as condom manufacturers still refuse to market their products for anal sex—or directly to gay men—the odds that Tampax will move aggressively into the straight-dudes-with-strings-hanging-out-of-their-butts market seems pretty slim."
Saddly, I'd have to agree that this marketing strategy will most likely never see the light of day. As a straight-dude-with-strings-hanging-out-of-my-butt, I have discovered through extensive Internet research, that there are many thousands of men like myself who enjoy wearing tampons, and I would love to see the practice, for lack of a better word, "validated" by the world of commerce. Interestingly, it would seem that Playtex is the preferred brand of most men, ( myself included ) so perhaps they might consider the idea!
Guys ....leave the tampons alone. i would say that 99.9 % of woman hate the use of these products."BUT" as mother nature would have it we as woman really have no choice.i hate wearing bras men would to after walking around all day and your bra straps digging into your shoulders. men are not built for tampons abd its gross
Oh my next time I see a guy buying tampons, Ill assume it is NOT for his girl, but for himself, then I will follow him home and show him MY tampon..He'll never go back...
Pleasae allow me to introduce myself.. My name is Rachelle and I am a long time married crossdresser with a very supportive, understanding, accepting, knowledgeable wife who has taught me all the traits to emulate women, from presentation, to walking, standing, sitting, mannerisms, make up, mair, nails, etc and from sall of this, I have amassed a very extensive wardrobe including 44 pair of HIGH HEELS (and I do mean HIGH) and all of this for me is a lifestyle, and not a hobby, nor a passing fancy whim.
In addition, I am completely shaven, my toe nail are painted 365 of the year, I wear six (6) toe rings and an anklet, and my eyebrows are plucked and shaped -not pencil line thin - but ample enough that I do receive several stares, but these don't bother me one iota, as I am pround to be who, and what I am..
In reference to using Tampax tampons, these are a MUST for me as I see them as an "extension" to my femininty, if one is going to dress like a female, look like, and have th mannerism of a female, WHY NOT wear tampons as well..
Thank you for reading..
Rachelle
Hi,

I am pretty new to all of this, and I never had sex with girl yet. I am 19 years old and when I masturbate I often put tampo in my anus, it turns me on. Am I a gay ? I really like girls, I watch porn movies with girls, and I am not excited about mens, but still I like to feel that tampo getting bigger in my ass.
Im gay too but I had sex with a man before and I put a tampon up my ass 4 plasdure
Kubica " I really like girls, I watch porn movies with girls, and I am not excited about mens," well this takes all doubt off, you're straight. You simply want to identify with an erogenous sexy zone of a girl (i-e the vagina) with the most similar convenient hole in your body (your anus)which also is an erogenous zone among many others including the penis.

Leave a Comment

Note: HTML tags are not allowed in comments.
Comments Shown. Turn Comments Off.
...