Blindfolded and Bent Over That's my fantasy. How should I go about it?

I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. I have a fantasy I can’t find much about online, so I figured I’d ask you for advice.

My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There’s a sex club nearby that looks like it might cater to my fantasy, but can I just walk in off the street and bend over? Do I need to go a few times first and talk to people? That kind of kills the fantasy of it, really. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. —Take a Number

 

You could probably walk into a sex club and bend over—lord knows some gay men do just that—but it would be a bad idea.

But you can realize your fantasy, TAN, and here’s how: Most swingers clubs permit couples and single women to attend parties (sorry, single guys). Go to a few parties, keep your pants on, introduce yourself around, find a couple or two whom you click with. Share your fantasy with your new friends and ask if they might be interested in helping you realize it.

And your fantasy is totally realizable—I’ve seen very similar ones realized once or twice—but the only way to realize your fantasy safely is with a couple of trusted friends hovering nearby. You need someone there who’s making sure that men who take advantage of you in your bent-over-and-blindfolded state have condoms on and don’t attempt to do anything other than what you’ve consented to.

Sometimes realizing a fantasy requires a little suspension of disbelief, TAN, so you’ll just have to pretend your guardian angels aren’t there watching out for you. And if part of what makes the fantasy so hot is being a helpless sex object in a room full of strangers, you can always go with your friends to a different sex club, one where you don’t know anyone but that your new friends checked out for you in advance. —Dan

 

I’m a single, straight guy who just turned 30. Never had a serious relationship, had sex twice. Not for a lack of opportunity, but I wasn’t ready for it emotionally until I was about 25. I’m a good-looking guy with a good job. I’m funny, independent, and easygoing. But I feel like there is a wall preventing me from having a relationship. Part of it is that I like having my own space. I like solitude, but I feel like I could let someone in my life and make time for her and go from there. And another part of it is I cannot for the life of me flirt with a girl I find attractive. I can turn a girl I’m not attracted to beet red if I have to, but I get tongue-tied around girls I think are hot.

Now that I feel mature enough to have someone in my life, what can I do to break down this wall I’ve put up to protect myself? —Lonely One Seeks Ties

P.S. I should probably add that I’m a submissive. Not that I’m looking to be emotionally dominated or anything, but being tied up in a corner and only speaking when Mistress tells me it’s okay sounds pretty awesome.

I’m glad you included that postscript, LOST.

Google the term “munch,” along with “BDSM” and the name of the city where you live (or the nearest big city if you live in buttfucknowhere). Munches are informal gatherings hosted by and for straight folks into BDSM; most are hosted by reputable BDSM or sex clubs—Orlando Power Exchange, Los Angeles’ Threshold Society, Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture—and nothing happens at a munch. No sex, no play, just conversation and lunch. You’ll meet other kinky straight folks who are interested in what you’re interested in, and you’ll be forced to interact with the women there—even the ones who typically leave you tongue-tied. —Dan

Serious question here: Does putting toothpaste or Bengay or whatever else on one’s scrotum cause sterility or have any other negative health effects? —Great Balls of Fire

Um…nope. It would probably be for the best if the guys who’ve posted YouTube videos of themselves putting Bengay on their balls were all sterile, GBOF, but most will sadly reproduce. —Dan

I’m a pretty hairy dude. I like my hairy chest. I like growing a beard in the winter. I like my hairy arms and legs. The only place that I don’t like hair is my crotch. I shave my pubes pretty regularly, but I have long, scraggly, gross hairs all over my balls, which I could really do without. The thought of accidentally cutting myself down there has been a pretty good deterrent from going at it with a razor, and just the idea of putting some hair-removal product like Nair down there makes me wince. I’ve poked around the internet and haven’t been able to find a real satisfactory answer, so I thought I’d turn to my last resort: Is there a safe, easy, relatively pain-free way to get rid of this unsightly hair? —Clever Nickname Up to You

Um…nope. Waxing is the way to go, but it smarts. —Dan

Your advice for Seriously Troubled Here, the MARRIED MAN whose WIFE made out with another man (who she CLAIMS was gay) was the kind of knee-jerk anti-male bullshit and anti-male bias that straight men have come to expect from therapists, advice columnists, and “sex experts.” She gets drunk and flirts with other men and MAKES OUT WITH THEM, and he’s the douchebag?

Fuck you and your misandry. Men shouldn’t seek your advice because you’re clearly incapable of taking their side. You may not like pussy yourself, you cocksucker, but you’ll take the twat’s side every time. The world doesn’t need another asshole “advice professional” who sides with the woman no matter what she does. —Men Against Dan

Excuse me? I’m the advice columnist—I’m practically the only advice columnist—who doesn’t automatically leap to the woman’s side in a dispute. I’m the guy who tells women that all men watch porn (so get over it or get a dog), that oral comes standard (sucking cock and eating pussy), and that under certain circumstances a husband (or a wife) has a right and a responsibility to cheat (just because you’re not interested in sex anymore doesn’t mean he has to go without for the rest of his life). You won’t get that from Prudie or Amy or Carolyn.

Sorry, MAD, and everyone else who wrote in: I stand behind my advice to STH. His wife was apologetic and recognized that her behavior would have to change because it was, at the very least, deeply upsetting to her husband. She also confessed to kissing another dude, a gay dude, two years before they married, and he was having trouble forgiving her. If the roles were reversed—husband kissed lesbian two years before the wedding and wife couldn’t forgive and move on—you can bet your clenched butts that I would’ve called the wife a douchebag.

For crying out loud, MAD, I’ve told wives—and husbands—to forgive and forget infidelities. Did you really expect me to tell STH to leave his wife over a kiss?

 

Send your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.

Our Readers Say

Hey jfc1, someone started a group for you to join! Men Against Dan! Now you can post all your useless advice there instead of here!
jfc1 is a closet homo, I know for a fact
jfc1~ you finally sent Dan an email instead of bitching in the comment section of a local paper. Now if you could go ahead and register MAD you'd be good to go. Post the link here when you do.
bigtony~does it still count as the closet when it's so obvious?
But you guys miss him. You have to. You actually read his posts. I'm usually very impressed with how much he writes each time. Like, does he take notes as he reads Savage Love or does he write it all out in Word and then cuts and pastes. Hmmmm.
"...wasn't me."

I've written to him a couple of times, but he has never responded to anything that I've sent to him.
And why would a gay guy still be in the closet in DC of all places? Name a city that is more friendly to gays, even gay politicians. Can gays legally marry in San Francisco? Why would any gay guy still be in the closet here?

Come on, get real. Just a bunch of jealous haters...though admittedly I wrote a little too much (ok a lot too much, very inefficient) and out of chagrin I wasn't going to write anything this time.

But still

a) finally something in response to a non-stupid letter, assuming that you think that a woman can't figure out how to get herself blindfolded, bent over and fucked by total strangers all by herself, isn't stupid. I guess that she can't access Craigslist in her town. Or Google. And doesn't know about any of any number of, well, you get the point.

Men who hate Dan? I don't hate him. I just think that ultimately his advice is shallow. Limited by the clientele and yes by the fact that he's a gay man. Sorry no way around that.

Photographic memory? Hardly :) One of my worst traits...I'm just writing based on what I remember, which basically made me write in the first place, then I have to go back and look at the article again to fill in the blanks.

...you see, it's all about me, now ;)

"and that under certain circumstances a husband (or a wife) has a right and a responsibility to cheat (just because you’re not interested in sex anymore doesn’t mean he has to go without for the rest of his life). You won’t get that from Prudie or Amy or Carolyn."

I don't know, Carolyn Hax talks about this topic on a regular basis, though she may not say "go ahead and cheat on your spouse, they deserve it for holding back on you" she's more of a "so why is this a problem and what should be done about it?" kind of advice columnist. Occasionally draws the line, but not likely to draw a line in this case, even hypothetically. No she wouldn't say that *directly* but would she even insinuate that? would anyone?

The guy has a good point. What "nationally syndicated advice-columnist" would suggest to someone that they cheat on their spouse? Or even their SO? I've said it already: I doubt that anyone but a gay guy (or a porn pro) would leap so readily to make that suggestion. Is the boyfriend in question a shmuck for not forgiing his wife that one kiss, or even, a series of kisses "in the past"? Sure, if you believe in double-standards. It's one thing to admit that it was wrong, yet another to not suffer any consequences as result. And you'd damm well better believe that if that was a guy kissing strange girls in a drunken stupor, in front of his wife, that his wife would make him pay some serious consequences. Does anyone really expect a woman to forgive her husband for such behavior? Would *you* forgive your spouse for this? But I've talked about this at length already. Dan still defends what he said, I think that he's full of shit, enough said. I really do think that only a gay guy would even think of forgiving their SO for something like this, and that's getting back to the larger issue.

Ok that's an alternate perspective...which comes in handy when you are looking for / "need" something "out of the box". But still, it is what it is. You want to get relationship advice from a gay guy, you can't complain about what you get. You want to get "lifestyle" advice from a gay guy, if you're straight, you're probably going to get something "new & different", and there you go. That part he does well.

It still seems like he's going around all four sides of the barn. And that's probably because that what he has to do. He knows all about what it takes to get bent over and fucked by complete strangers, it's just not the sort of thing that a responsible sex-columnist should recommend. C'est la vie. And notice that he didn't even ask whether anyone would really care if that happened, once she said "single & straight" ok off we go. You can bet that she isn't single, and most likely that wasn't even a woman writing. Just some guy trying to trick a girl into a situation and looking for a way to do it that doesn't reek of obviousness.

"Serious question here: Does putting toothpaste or Bengay or whatever else on one’s scrotum cause sterility or have any other negative health effects? "

"yeah because they are toxic and radioactive. Duh!"

"Sometimes realizing a fantasy requires a little suspension of disbelief, TAN, so you’ll just have to pretend your guardian angels aren’t there watching out for you."

Um, you're not "realizing a fantasy" about getting bent over and fucked by "whatever stranger passes by", if you're standing there with 4 guys next to you who are screening them, and trying to imagine that you haven't set up the whole thing. Somehow I think that this advice won't do the trick.

" Is there a safe, easy, relatively pain-free way to get rid of this unsightly hair?"

Sorry, is someone looking at your balls, to see this? Ugh. Next question *please*.

I wouldn't even respond to these two. He had to have thrown those in for the gay crowd.

"
columns: savagelove
Show Comments Comments Print this article Print Email Bookmark and Share
Author: Dan Savage
Author: Savage
Issue: 2010/01/13
Issue Volume: 30
Blindfolded and Bent Over That's my fantasy. How should I go about it?

By Dan Savage
Posted: January 13, 2010
image:

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Posted: December 23, 2009

Send a Letter to the Editor

I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. I have a fantasy I can’t find much about online, so I figured I’d ask you for advice.

My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There’s a sex club nearby that looks like it might cater to my fantasy, but can I just walk in off the street and bend over? Do I need to go a few times first and talk to people? That kind of kills the fantasy of it, really. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. —Take a Number



You could probably walk into a sex club and bend over—lord knows some gay men do just that—but it would be a bad idea.

But you can realize your fantasy, TAN, and here’s how: Most swingers clubs permit couples and single women to attend parties (sorry, single guys). Go to a few parties, keep your pants on, introduce yourself around, find a couple or two whom you click with. Share your fantasy with your new friends and ask if they might be interested in helping you realize it.

And your fantasy is totally realizable—I’ve seen very similar ones realized once or twice—but the only way to realize your fantasy safely is with a couple of trusted friends hovering nearby. You need someone there who’s making sure that men who take advantage of you in your bent-over-and-blindfolded state have condoms on and don’t attempt to do anything other than what you’ve consented to.

Sometimes realizing a fantasy requires a little suspension of disbelief, TAN, so you’ll just have to pretend your guardian angels aren’t there watching out for you. And if part of what makes the fantasy so hot is being a helpless sex object in a room full of strangers, you can always go with your friends to a different sex club, one where you don’t know anyone but that your new friends checked out for you in advance. —Dan



"I’m a single, straight guy who just turned 30. Never had a serious relationship, had sex twice. "

You're seriously gay.

"Not for a lack of opportunity, but I wasn’t ready for it emotionally until I was about 25."

You're a fucking repressed homo.

"I’m a good-looking guy with a good job. I’m funny, independent, and easygoing. But I feel like there is a wall preventing me from having a relationship."

Yes, a big lavender-colored wall with lilac trim...

"Part of it is that I like having my own space."

and part of it is that you're seriously gay

" I like solitude, but I feel like I could let someone in my life and make time for her and go from there."

Yes, you possibly could, if you weren't gay you would have already done it instead of writing this frigging letter already

" And another part of it is I cannot for the life of me flirt with a girl I find attractive. I can turn a girl I’m not attracted to beet red if I have to, but I get tongue-tied around girls I think are hot."

Duh...as if "flirting" with attractive women is a male specialty? Sure, if sex is involved, or maybe even likely, and you're not GAY

"Now that I feel mature enough to have someone in my life, what can I do to break down this wall I’ve put up to protect myself? —Lonely One Seeks Ties"

Give me a fucking break, this guy is as queer as a 2-dollar bill.

"P.S. I should probably add that I’m a submissive. "

And I know that because I've had sex twice in my 30 years on the planet. Presumably with women. Assuming that we are talking about "sex" sex, that is, counting anything that involves a penis or a body-orifice.

"Not that I’m looking to be emotionally dominated or anything, but being tied up in a corner and only speaking when Mistress tells me it’s okay sounds pretty awesome. "

What the FUCk...Yep, another guy who claims to be something and cannot for the life of him figure out how to be himself without help from a sex-columnist? :)

What the frigging fuck. What kind of bullshit is this.

"Munches are informal gatherings hosted by and for straight folks into BDSM; most are hosted by reputable BDSM or sex clubs—Orlando Power Exchange, Los Angeles’ Threshold Society, Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture—and nothing happens at a munch. No sex, no play, just conversation and lunch. You’ll meet other kinky straight folks who are interested in what you’re interested in, and you’ll be forced to interact with the women there—even the ones who typically leave you tongue-tied. —Dan "

LOL
yes, "forced to interact with women" BWAHAHAH
Just because he's at a party of supposed submissives instead of, you know, "a party"? LOL right great advice, Dan.

How about just sending him to Homos Anonymous? Which is what he's clearly really interested in?

Anyway. Another week another $1.35. Cheers

"I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. I have a fantasy I can’t find much about online, so I figured I’d ask you for advice.

My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment,"

LOL sure honey. Just what you want, nice and safe and sane. No risks, no fears. Just a bunch of healthy, sane guys to use you like a a side of beef, like a cum-bucket. To spend their time poking and prodding your innards and giving you a good stuffing. Then you can just walk away like nothing happened except that you got a good "dilation". Kinda like going to the grocery, picking up some canned food and coming home. Except that you got fucked doing it. Good deal.

Seriously you want to do this, there are plenty of guys who will help you to fulfil your fantasy for real. Just get on CL and let the world know, someone will be glad to be your "Master" for the afternoon and make sure that his "pet toy is well-used". This is a classic BDSM scenario.

Hm, on that note, why not just put on a short skirt, go down to your nearest Safeway, leave a pack of condoms on the shelf, put a mask over your face so that no one can recognize you afterwards, drop your drawers, bend over your shopping cart, close your eyes and stay there until you can't take anymore? That might work :)

Of course they'd kick your skeezbag hoebag ass out of the store first, but that's another story. Maybe you can try some place with little if any "adult supervision"? :) Great idea, you should go for it!

No do it with 4 guys standing in attendance with a checklist, that will work real well. Great idea, Dan. Why not have them wear white smocks and rubber gloves as well?
I mean it's just a crazy idea, taking all the risk out of it would take all the spontaneity out of it, and it would turn into just another BDSM trick for someone who apparently is not into BDSM or she would already have done it. "oh she didn't know that it was going to happen" LOL

it can't be something that you didn't know was going to happen if you're so prepared for it that it's entirely safe. Just like your goddam scrotal hair can't look unsightly and need to be removed unless you or someone who really matters to you spend a lot of time looking at it. And if so, then for crying out loud, the odds are that you have already found a way to remove it to your satisfaction. I mean, since when did Dan Savage replace the entire fucking Internet? How can this shit be for real? It just can't unless these people have been living under a rock for the past 20 years.

I mean, you're seriously trying to tell me that an attractive 30 year old woman can't find a way to get a bunch of strange guys to fuck her from behind, without suggestions from a gay guy?!?

"Want to talk about it"? Sure. "Want to write a letter to a complete stranger about it"? Sure. "Want to write a letter to a gay Internet sex columnist about it, and see what he has to say"? Sure. "Actually *do* it"? Somehow I doubt it. So this is probably just more bullshit.

Ok prove me wrong. How many women have done this? Without geing drunk and waking up the next morning in a frathouse bathroom? Feel free to prove me wrong about what I just said.
" Neisha Jan. 14, 2010
2:19 pm

But you guys miss him. You have to. You actually read his posts. I'm usually very impressed with how much he writes each time. Like, does he take notes as he reads Savage Love or does he write it all out in Word and then cuts and pastes. Hmmmm. "

LOL you are evil :)
No, he doesn't do either. He just lets his sense of outrage and incredulousness...ness...incredulity, disbelief, whatever, guide his hands while typing. Then maybe goes back and fills in the blanks so it doesn't look like he has a short-term memory problem, which usually generates even more outraged commentary. So now you know, I hope that doesn't spoil the fun for you :)

I still think that the one about the guy who was worried about blowing up his anal probe with electrostim takes the cake. How dumb can you get. And can you imagine him reading the response, "that can't happen" and cranking the damm thing up to 11? What next for the poor guy? :)

he's probably writing a letter to DS right now to ask how to get random guys to bend him over and buttfuck him while blindfolded :)

but then saying to himself, "and what do I do when *that* is boring, too?" Oh well, there are always horses. Dogs, certainly. Big-ass mechanical things that he can accidentally "fall on" while cleaning his house. What a life.

"But, doctor, I just *had* to stick it up my ass..." LOL

no but seriously this guy is 30 years old, he's an attractive guy, women like him, but he's only had sex twice but isn't gay. Sure. And the White House is actually a portal to another dimension. Exactly.
...jesus fucking christ, if there's one thing that a straight guy wants, it's pussy, and even a dumb-ass ugly motherfucker will stumble into some pussy occasionally, and certainly he won't pass it up when he gets even half a chance at it...I doubt that there's a single guy on the planet who has had sex only twice by the age of 30. Gay, straight or whatever. Just un-fucking-believable.
OK seriously here's a challenge.

Find 100 guys under the age of 20. Offer them each the chance to contribute $100 to a fund with compound interest, every month, with the winner taking the whole pot at the age of 30, the winner being the guy who only has sex TWICE in all that time. All they have to do is wait until they turn 30 for that 3rd slice. See if any of them make it more than 6 months.

I don't think that there's a single fucking guy on this entire planet who has only had sex twice by the age of 30. Even the worlds' biggest retard. Even a fucking quadriplegic. You just don't have a choice! You can masturbate to your hearts' content, take a million cold showers, pray, hum, "go to your quiet place", whatever, a dude has gotta cut a slice every now and then. It's just gotta happen. Once every 5 years, or even worse, twice in 4 years and no sex at all for 6, or even worse? Jesus! Who would do that to themselves *willingly*, unnecessarily? I really think that it would be impossible for any man to do that and not off themselves.

This is even more unbelievable than the letter from the woman who said that she has to get drunk to even have sex with her "perfect" boyfriend because his crotch smells so bad. What kind of effing skihoza is going to have sex with a guy whose crotch smells so bad that it makes her throw up? How does she figure out what alcohol to buy, when to go to the store to buy it, thinking that she needs it to get drunk enough to have se with him?

How could this possibly make sense?

"Oh honey, while you're out, please pick up a case of Jack Daniels, you know that I'm going to have to be passed-out fucking drunk off my ass to even allow you to begin to take your shorts off, so if you want to cut a slice anytime soon you'd better stop by the liquor store and stock up".

"ok, honey!"
...I mean, how does Valentines' Day work in this case?

Do they sleep in separate bedrooms? Does she not know what "body oil" is? or does it just combine with his fetid "sweat odor" and make things worse?

Is she mentally and financially dependent on this guy to the point where he stinks like a rotten clam but she still sleeps with him? Yet...she doesn't smell either? LOL I seriously doubt that this woman smells all that fresh herself. Assuming that that letter was for real, of course.

no, a guy will sleep with a woman with a rotting pussy but I seriously doubt that any woman who isn't a drug-addled skank will sleep with a stinky guy, a guy who makes her gag to suck his cock, and not just because he's so big. Wouldn't that be grounds for divorce? Oh yeah, they weren't even married. No seriously she continues to sleep with a guy whose crotch smells so bad that she has to get drunk to sleep with him? Yeah, totally believable. And guys will actually go for 10 years without having sex. Right. No doubt about it.
It's a little eery, but jfc1 has contributed almost exactly 60 inches (5 feet.) Altho, some of that was re-posting Dan's column, so technically this week was a little slim on commentary. That's okay, we're just glad you still have something to say, jfc1!
If anyone here knows jfc in real life, please bitch-slap him for me. Thanks, Mgmt.
"Altho, some of that was re-posting Dan's column,"

That was totally by accident, sorry.

Don't hate me for that one mistake ;)
We hate you for a whole different reason.
My fantasy is to have my wife blindfolded and bent over a bed/couch/table/whatever in a motel room, and fucked by a stranger pretending but she would think is me.

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