Seeking: Man Who Likes to Spank a Big Ass Is it safe to meet a trucker for a spanking if he has references?

I’m a woman who wants to be spanked. But I’m overweight and self-conscious. Men who like to spank women like to spank petite women. Sometimes I’ll search kinky personal sites or other online forums and find someone who might want to spank me. But I get scared and I back out. Most recently, I’ve been talking to a trucker who stops at rest stops along his routes around the country and meets with/spanks women. He is patient and encouraging, and has references, and has directed me to boards with all this safety information, and insisted on getting to know each other via e-mail and phone conversations before we actually meet. This makes me trust him and feel better when I think about going to meet him.

But I still feel like it’s a very bad idea. Nobody knows I have a fetish for this stuff, so I can’t tell anyone where I’ll be going, and I feel like going to meet a stranger on a highway so he can beat me is a very stupid thing to do. Plus, if he kills me, everybody will scream, “Well, what did you think would happen!” at my fat dead body.

What do you think? —She Wants a Tanning


I think meeting strange men in rest stops is a bad idea generally, SWAT, and meeting strange men in rest stops for a beating seems like a particularly bad idea. There are probably lots of decent and kind truckers out there, some of them kinky, and they have just as much right to pursue their sexual interests as anyone else. (And I’m going to be hearing from them after this column appears.) But you are not the right person for a kinky rest-stop hookup with a near-stranger.

This has nothing to do with your size, SWAT, and everything to do with your self-esteem issues and your isolation. I’m not saying this particular trucker is a crazed serial killer or an abuser. But serial killers and abusers seek out women who are isolated and have self-esteem issues, vulnerable women they can manipulate and exploit. Until you can approach someone with some confidence and with at least one confidant, you shouldn’t be making dates to see anyone.

Repeat after me: “Some men like big women. Some men like spanking women. Some men like spanking big women.” For those men, your big ass is an asset, SWAT. Also: “I can’t meet someone for a kinky hookup—in a rest stop or a hotel room or someone’s apartment—unless someone knows where I’m going, who I’m with, and when I’m expected home.” —Dan


My boyfriend of six months has a weird dick-area odor. It’s worse after a long day, but it’s there even after he showers. It’s this sickly sweet rotting smell that makes it hard for me to give him oral. Even jacking him off can be tough when I get a whiff. In all the years I’ve been sexually active, I’ve never smelled anything like this. I wonder if it might be that he was in a brutal car accident years ago that messed up his innards. He’s one of those closed-off stoic types who hasn’t had much luck or help in life, including follow-up care after the accident, and he also doesn’t take the best care of his health—heavy smoker, doesn’t eat right or exercise (although no drugs).

When we first got together, he seemed like a confident, happy, dominant man, the first man of this type I have ever met who also treated me respectfully. As the relationship wears on, I am finding that he is locked up tightly with insecurities. He worries everything down to shreds and hates his job but won’t leave it because “he helps people there,” despite being royally screwed wagewise. If it were one problem or the other, I would suck it up for the sake of the most supportive relationship I’ve ever had. But iron emotional control + horrible dick odor = I have to get stupid drunk to have sex with him. Do you know what the odor might be? And should I wait to see if he loosens up more with time (his request when I talk about the emotional issue) or get on with my life solo? —One Dick Only Reeks


Our bodies have two types of sweat glands, ODOR, eccrine glands, which are all over our bodies, and apocrine glands, which are concentrated in our armpits and crotches. Apocrine glands pump out ranker-smelling sweat, and these glands pump out more sweat when a person is stressed out—and it sounds like your boyfriend is always stressed out. And since the fluids that come out of our bodies—spit, piss, come, and sweat—are composed of what we put into our bodies, your boyfriend’s shitty diet and his cigarette addiction aren’t helping matters much, either.

If you love him, ODOR, be straight with him: If he wants to keep you in his life, he needs to loosen up, improve his diet, and see a doc and a dermatologist about the crotch stank. —Dan


I have recently been toying with the idea of doing electro stuff, but I’m worried that it could get ugly. Suppose you have a battery-powered vibrator in your ass and two of those electricity-conducting e-stim pads on either ass cheek. I have horrible mental images of the vibrator exploding in my ass. Am I being completely irrational? I need a kinky electrician to guide me! Thanks so much for all that you do! —The Electric Company


“He has nothing to worry about,” says David, the mad genius behind SexTek, which makes and markets erotic e-stim gear, and my go-to guy for all e-stim questions. “The electrical bits in the vibrator won’t be bothered in the slightest by the e-stim currents flowing nearby, and the vibrator won’t interfere with the e-stim. Assuming your device is made for use on the human body, the low power currents involved only stimulate nearby nerves and muscles. The vibrator won’t be bothered at all. But make sure you’re using a proper commercial e-stim device and read the manual. Most electrosex injuries occur when someone uses the wrong equipment or improvises.”

Yeah, yeah: The guy who sells commercial e-stim products is telling TEC to buy a commercial e-stim product. Anyone who thinks David is wrong—anyone who thinks exploring e-stim without first purchasing equipment designed to be used for e-stim play—is welcome to stick the frayed end of an extension cord up his butt and then report back to us about how that worked out for him. The e-stim-curious with sense, however, will take David’s advice and check out the products available at and those made by other e-stim companies. —Dan


Any last-minute Xmas gift ideas, Dan?

—Nothing Under Tree


Sure, NUT: Tinsel, my friend Hank Stuever’s brilliant and hilarious new book about America’s Christmas present; Every Man Dies Alone, a chilling 1947 novel by Hans Fallada about life under the Nazis (Fallada was a German novelist who barely survived the war and didn’t live to see his masterwork published); the bondage enthusiasts on your list will love the hemp rope for sale at; and the ET302R available at makes the perfect stocking stuffer. —Dan Savage


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Our Readers Say

"He is patient and encouraging, and has references, and has directed me to boards with all this safety information, and insisted on getting to know each other via e-mail and phone conversations before we actually meet. This makes me trust him and feel better when I think about going to meet him.

But I still feel like it’s a very bad idea. "

So is hooking up with strangers for anything, lady.

They're going to be "strangers" until you get to know them. And they can still kill you aftewards.

So, unless you want your friends to be intimately aware of your intimate personal life in all of its details so that they can be aware of the exact date, time & place that you are killed, you can take it for granted that you'll have to engage in risky business with someone somewhere at some point *without some "friend" of yours knowing about it.


In other words, you will win some, you will lose some, but you can't win at all if you don't take a chance and make a bet. Have fun.
...I still say that this column is to give stupid advice in response to stupid people who ask stupid questions. She's already demonstrated that all this "online help" means little to her, except as more to ignore. So now she'll write to another online sex columnist for more advice, which I'm sure she's rushing to ignore right now.

Just idiots who want attention after everyone else they know has ignored them.
"My boyfriend of six months has a weird dick-area odor. "

What it doesn't smell like your pussy even after 6 months of being your boyfriend? Imagine that.

Maybe your pussy doesn't smell the way that you think that it does, or the way that it used to, before your last boyfriend. Maybe you ought to check that out as well. God forbid that his cock stinks because he's been sticking it in you for 6 months.
"I have horrible mental images of the vibrator exploding in my ass. Am I being completely irrational?"

Only if you'd plug your own ass with an electric dildo and then put enough current through your ass to cause it to explode.
...I mean, ignorance is one thing, sheer stupidity quite another, and blatant two-facedness...someone needs to take this "stinky dick" woman out in the woods, shoot her and put her out of her misery. It's such a waste of time to give idiots advice and bitches likewise are hopeless. You think that his dick stinks so bad, why do you want anything to do with it? I can only imagine the look on his face when his *next* girlfriend says that it stinks AND THEN WON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM and he begins to wonder exactly when this began and who caused it. Sure, Dan: it's all *his* fault, for having sex with stinky women :)

Oh no: woman after woman thought that his dick smelled horrible but fucked and sucked him anyway, and of course none of them smelled bad after having sex with him. Sure, right. Just like none of them smelled bad *before* having sex with him either. No this guy was just born with a stinky dick due to his stinky glands, but in no way does this stench rub off and in anyone else and certainly it wasn't rubbed on him either. Yep, it's all due to his diet and smoking...guys who smoke are well-known to have foul-smelling penises.

Actually their dicks would smell worse if they didn't smoke :)
"Just idiots who want attention after everyone else they know has ignored them. "


Does it hurt to lack self-awareness so completely? Or are you so oblivious to anyone's opinions except your own that you simply don't notice?
jfc must have a micropenis
"Does it hurt to lack self-awareness so completely? Or are you so oblivious to anyone's opinions except your own that you simply don't notice? "

Gee, I don't know. Either way.

Anyway was maybe 3 or 4 articles ago that a guy wrote in seeking help finding a girl who would spank him. Did we hear "trying to find some random stranger to spank you is not healthy...besides, you've got self-esteem issues"?

[because clearly people who have self-esteem issues shouldn't try to find someone to humiliate and cause them pain, for any reason]

No, but Ms Fat Chick, not only should she not look *online*, but she shouldn't check out any BDSM clubs in her area either. What's she supposed to do, ask her male coworkers, the guys that she knew in high school?

No but this other guy: "hey dude go up to 15 strange girls and ask them to spank you. One of them will be into it".

He just seriously doesn't give a shit about straights and their sexual problems. Probably because to him all straights have the same sexual problem. They're straight!

Bottom line is that you shouldn't go to a baker to get some woodwork done.
...oh, jeez.

And I thougt that this was bad.

Now this? Good grief!

In Manhattan they would call this "I'm seeing a shrink".
this isn't your sex column...
so fuck off
Don't get bitter just because I'm right.
Take it like a man.
someone has an axe to grind.
...why spend so much effort avoiding the facts that are clear in front of your face?

The guy stinks. Fine. He stinks for one of two reasons. One he's naturally stinky. 2nd, he's gotten into some nasty pooter and it left a mark on him. The stigmata. Since he's probably had sex with at least one woman, certainly two if he wasn't a virgin before the lady who considered herself lucky to get him when this all started, that leaves at least 3 possibilities. Two of them involve stinky pussy.

No, let's blame it on cigarette smoking and "an unhealthy diet" because as we all know, smoking and diet *seriously* affect the way that a mans' privates smell. Millions of people die each year of lung cancer and heart attacks because they are too hooked on smokes and fast food in spite of the way that it makes their privates reek.
...not only that but his crotch is so nasty that it makes her gag to suck his cock, but she still sleeps with him anyway.

You think that it has never occurred to her that his stink might end up in her pink? No it's clear that she's beyond caring about *that*, the only problem is that she has to smell it herself just to sleep with him. And sleeping with him requires what, again?

His cock...and her pussy.

All I'm saying is that when there's smoke, there's probably a fire somewhere around. Assuming that the whole issue isn't just psychosomatic, I really doubt that he's the only one befouling the air in their love-nest.
last but not least your bullshit detector should be ringing off the hook. If he smells so damm bad that she has to get drunk to sleep with him, and he's so full of personal issues that she doesn't even like him anymore much less respect him, then why the fuck is she still dating him much less fucking him in the first place?

The only reasonable answer to this is that she's totally fucked up in the head and feels that if it wasn't *this* poor sap then it would be someone who's even *worse*. Which makes the whole story doubtful. And again, it's much more likely that he's a decent guy -who's with her in spite of the fact that she's fucked up, either knowingly or unknowingly- but she smells too much of herself on him, and she gets drunk before she has sex with him...because she likes to get drunk before she has sex! Why? Again because she knows that she smells like a sewer.
...or was your comment in response to what I said about the fat chick who wants to get paddled by someone but can't confide her kink in a friend and is too afraid to take a chance with a stranger, and his advice was for her to forget about taking a chance with a stranger and to confide her kink in a friend? Wonderful entirely-useful advice. Like he didn't even hear what she said. Obviously too eager to get to the guy who subconsciously wants his butt-plug to explode in his ass.

Not even interested enough in the woman to tell her to find a good BDSM club in her area. That would take too much effort.
I can seriously hook up the big grl, I have a safe,sane and willing friend who would oblige her in a minute. I hope she finds what she's looking for, meeting people at rest stops is a crazy bad idea....but then again,maybe I read too much James Patterson...

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